Am in camp now.. dun plan on sleeping tonight, cuz of a stupid project that is due next tuesday.... damn it... just talked to jerlyn just now...she's feelin really excited about getting to see her bf tomrrow after not seeing him for a week... really envious of both of them... well, of jerlyn cuz she found a guy who loves her so much and of her bf, cuz jerlyn's a great caring gal...but hell, whats there to be envious about?
Talked to edna for a while just now.. she called me and asked when she could meet me to return me my stuffs... i said anytime, considering the amount of free time that i have... and after that, as usual, she had to go... nothing new there...
I wonder why people feel the way that they do, whether they are in or out of love... what really drives them to think what they are thinking? Emotions, feelings?
Just kinda wish life could be so much simpler... No emotions to suppress... No feelings to cause you to want to hate everything so much... Why does everything that begins with love eventually end up with even a slight feeling of hate? Where did all the love go? Did it just disappear behind a cloud or is it taking cover or something? If we know eventually how it will end up, why do we still bother to go there? Its like running into a brick wall, even when you know that its there...
Am i slipping into depression again? This time for what? Maybe Jerlyn is right... The more i want to forget it, the more i won't... The way i see it, only several options are possible solutions.. one, i meet someone new.... Hell i know that is NOT going to happen cuz really, look at me... I look like a druggie from Changi...And according to some, my mentality DOES NOT befit my age... Some say i have a lost childhood or something... Plus the fact that i dun really think i am in the right state of mind to begin something new...Two, ... Let myself fall so deep that i realise how deep i've fallen and try to climb out...Now thats a real stupid option if you ask me... Cuz why in the world would i want to torture myself like that? However irrational i might be, somethings that are lost can never be found again... Three, I end it all.. I swear if i ever chose this option, i would be reincarnated as a cockroach or something and get stomped to death by people, since i love dying so much... Fucking stoooooooooooooooooooooooooopid option.... And lastly, Be natural... Let it go anturally.... Let the winds take the troubles away... Yah right, if that were a fairy tale, it would probably work... But in this cruel little place we call reality, that will always be a fairy tale... Cuz the mind will neevr rest even if the body does... Always thinking, even if you dun wan to... Time for some pondering..... Honestly speaking, i really wonder how long i can continue living like that... Lying to myself that i'm ok... Am i? I think i have a problem but i just can't seem to lay my finger on it....Is it just me? I really dun know...
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