In Camp

Am in camp now.. dun plan on sleeping tonight, cuz of a stupid project that is due next tuesday.... damn it... just talked to jerlyn just now...she's feelin really excited about getting to see her bf tomrrow after not seeing him for a week... really envious of both of them... well, of jerlyn cuz she found a guy who loves her so much and of her bf, cuz jerlyn's a great caring gal...but hell, whats there to be envious about?
Talked to edna for a while just now.. she called me and asked when she could meet me to return me my stuffs... i said anytime, considering the amount of free time that i have... and after that, as usual, she had to go... nothing new there...
I wonder why people feel the way that they do, whether they are in or out of love... what really drives them to think what they are thinking? Emotions, feelings?
Just kinda wish life could be so much simpler... No emotions to suppress... No feelings to cause you to want to hate everything so much... Why does everything that begins with love eventually end up with even a slight feeling of hate? Where did all the love go? Did it just disappear behind a cloud or is it taking cover or something? If we know eventually how it will end up, why do we still bother to go there? Its like running into a brick wall, even when you know that its there...
Am i slipping into depression again? This time for what? Maybe Jerlyn is right... The more i want to forget it, the more i won't... The way i see it, only several options are possible solutions.. one, i meet someone new.... Hell i know that is NOT going to happen cuz really, look at me... I look like a druggie from Changi...And according to some, my mentality DOES NOT befit my age... Some say i have a lost childhood or something... Plus the fact that i dun really think i am in the right state of mind to begin something new...Two, ... Let myself fall so deep that i realise how deep i've fallen and try to climb out...Now thats a real stupid option if you ask me... Cuz why in the world would i want to torture myself like that? However irrational i might be, somethings that are lost can never be found again... Three, I end it all.. I swear if i ever chose this option, i would be reincarnated as a cockroach or something and get stomped to death by people, since i love dying so much... Fucking stoooooooooooooooooooooooooopid option.... And lastly, Be natural... Let it go anturally.... Let the winds take the troubles away... Yah right, if that were a fairy tale, it would probably work... But in this cruel little place we call reality, that will always be a fairy tale... Cuz the mind will neevr rest even if the body does... Always thinking, even if you dun wan to... Time for some pondering..... Honestly speaking, i really wonder how long i can continue living like that... Lying to myself that i'm ok... Am i? I think i have a problem but i just can't seem to lay my finger on it....Is it just me? I really dun know...

Tmr Boring

Haiz...Tmr got duty...sianz man...an to make it worse, charmain just asked me if tmr want to go dbl O... really wasted mna.. anyway, i doubt i can go also, cuz my funds are like really exhausted... running on a tight budget this month... prolly due to my excessive spending to make myself feel loved...hehe..another slack day at work although surprisngly, today i didn't slp so much... feel damn hardworking man...anyway, have to la... been slacking too much at work theese days.. no gd man... not justifiable to my pay...not that 'm being paid a lot la... met charmain after work to get the photos for the trip... also got the photos from her trip to thailand... the scenary was breathtaking... and the kids were sooooooo cute...so lucky man... makes me wanna go thailand as well...hehe... ok still have to go run 8km tmr so gotta go slp now... however, first a few shouts... Alice babe, so sorry not able to talk to u these few days cuz i'm hardly home when u wake...so sorry babe... anyways, hope all goes well for u and your exams k? dun stress... thats the worst thing to do during an exam...k? :P Jerlyn, dun worry so much... 2 more days b4 u see him k? Angela, dun so moody la... and finally to Charmain, here's to more crazy moments, and enjoy yourself at Dbl O tmr k? wish could be there but den if i there, den no one will put rice on my table...hehe...nitez all...zzzzzzzz

Tuesday...

Another redundant day at work...went to work and went to slp all he way to 10 plus... den found out i had to follow my colleague back to yishun... an offer too gd to refuse so i jumped on the bandwagon... turns out to be a big mistake cuz they went drinking at the coffeeshop and being the most junior shrimp there... had to follow... not allowed to leave until i had my fair share of beer...which i might add, was quite a generous protion... nonetheless, drank till i puked... damn its been a long time since i puked... walked home and concussed till at night... wokr up with the world's worse hangover... head hurting like helll, even till now... interestingly enough, kinda enjoyed the drinking session... a first for me considering i've never gotten high at 4 plus in the afternoon... abit too early if u ask me... hehe... ok gott slp now... am feeling a bit sick now...hopefully won't be anything serious.... Btw, a few shout outs.... Alice babe, gd luck for maths test... dun worry i'm sure you'll ace it...and dun worry about everything at home... i'm sure it will all be ok... somethings just have a funny way of resolving themselves... Edna, hope u're feeling better... Jerlyn, Dun worry so much k? He'll be out soon... Crying ain't no gd for u so hang in there k?  k... Nitez all... :P

Wish i didn't miss you

FUCK!!!!!!!!!! just wrote like a life story and accidently erased it... Thats life man.... Anyway, in jist of all the shit i just wrote,, i shall just sum it up in the following few sentences....

I miss her....Lots....that its making me unusally moody....
+
Life is fucked up....
=
I'm Fucked up.......Very....

Simple equation to summarise what i've just wrote for the last 1/2 an hour before the stupid computer decided to go on strike and fuck up my blog...

Wish i didn't miss you

You know, sometimes i wonder to myself... whats the point in me being so nice to everybody? do i get the kick out of doing that? I mean, i seem to gain nothing... although it isn't all about gaining anything, but the only thing that seems to return is hurt... And this hurt is the same thing that is slowly eating me up from the inside... everyday, putting on a facade to tell myself that life is getting better, when it is actually already pretty much stagnant...  i guess thats a part of me that i'll never be able to change... the fact that i'll always be so naive and gullible... always believing whatever people tell me... is that really a bad thing?
Today was a total waste of time at work... went to down to town in the evening to take a walk... as usual, still in a real fucked up mood...
I miss her..i really do... thats the reason for my mood swings these days... i know she's with someone else now, but i just can't help but miss her... it started when i was on holiday and god knows when the hell it will bloody fucking end...  Somehow, i know its stupid that i'm still feeling this way... i should be over her... Why should i continue torturing myself like that? i guess  this is a question that might never be answered unless you are the person facing this...Am i wrong? 
i realise i sound awfully confused... its amazing that after 3 months, i'm still in this state... What the hell is wrong with me? its like i dun know myself anymore... i guess this is how much i have changed from last time... 
After watching 'Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind' the other day, i couldn't help but feel a sense of sorrow for what the character 'Joel' was going through... And if i were in the situation he were in, i guess i would like totally freak out... worse than i am now... good news is, at least the world ain't watching me freak out... at least the world won't know this unless i tell them or they read this... whateva the way, i'm just feeling really tired now... of everything.... happy, to me now basically spells out to be 'Have A Pathetic Phucked Year'... Ain't that  great?
I think i'm losing it... i really have no idea what i'm writing now... Guess thats sums it all up... Me having no idea, no direction to go... No fixed motive in life anymore... As much as i know everybody will tell me thats temporary, it still sucks having to go through it...every other day, after work, i go walking around... i've never done that in the past... Have no fucking idea why i'm doing that now... Only thing i know is that it makes me feel a bit better... How? i have no fucking idea...  I jusy really wonder how long more can i live like this?

Back to church...

woke up late this morning...was raining like cats, dogs and every other living  animal on the planet... anyways, went to work to waste half a day there.... ended walking in town for a while...specifically at funan centre as i was looking for a cpu program... seem to notice that i seem to have started to pick up the habit of shopping after work... just walking around work and buying stuff... i kinda fear this will become a dangerous habit man... gotta stop doing that... must have spent like $200 to $300 in the last few days itself, just buying presents, some groceries, some shirts and other stuff... bad ...bad... anyway, finally after a month, i made my reappearance at church... as usual, the choir sound lovely and the kids are looking good... such a taented bunch, these kids... know they will grow far... amandy came over just now for a Hoegaarden... seems she was having some problems wit andi... i'm glad they worked it out....sad to hear that Alice's granddad ain't doing too well... i pray that he will recover soon... And alice, if you need me, you know my number... just give me a buzz ok babe? Will be here for u... What are frens for right? ok betta go slp now b4 i get scolded again... What should i dream of tonight? Hope its something i like.... :) 

My Mood as alwayz... 

Work......Again.....

Am currently having a holiday hangover.... or rather, a distinct lack of it.... been really bored over the last few days at work...  nothing much to do after MouseDeer.. Been a bit crazy of late since i came back from KL.. In the last few days, i've been spending money like as though i was in KL shopping again... Think i miss the place... Anyways, wat an idiot i am.. when i was in Chinatown KL, the night market was the place to go bargain and buy cheap shirts... Silly ol retarded me came back to Sg and started buying shirts instaed... spent about $40 bucks on them... Gd news is i dun think i could have found these shirts in KL... :) There's one that shows a picture of a screw above the letter U and a textbox underneath that says "GO FIGURE IT OUT YOURSELF", another that says "LEAVE ME ALONE", the third one that reads "LOVE SUCKS" and shows a cupid getting shot.... and the final one, which is a classic... " SAME SHIT, DIFFERENT DAY"... so true so true... at least everybody at works agrees....hehe...i'll post the shirts up here once i've gotten them washed....
At least the weekend is here.... can't wait to go back to church... really miss the ppl there... haven't seen most of them in about 2 weeks... hmmm....hope they all doin fine... Think i'm goin to slp now... Ain't no fun staying up and knowing i have to go run tmr... hats sad man... well, niteoz....

Back Again

Yah!!! I'm back from kl.... the last few days was an absolute adventure man.... though i'm not really glad to be back cuz i dread going back to work again...but i guess all good things must come to an end... Haiz.... Anywayz, here's the lowdown on my trip...
 
DAY 1
Friday Night
Met up with charmain at yishun mrt... took the mrt down to the train station in tanjong pagar.... of course, had to slowly find our way there first...hehe... hopeless in navigation...both of us...anyways, we reached there on time to board the train...after all the usual immigration shit at the station, we went to our beds in the train... not bad man, though the beds were kinda high up and it was a real hassle to keep climbing up and down... Reaching Johor, being both the swakoos that we were, we were wondering when we had to dismount the train to get our passports stamped by immgration...  funnily enough, that never came, which left us both confused and puzzled... hmmm... tired of waiting, we slacked and subsequently fell alseep....zzzzz....
 
DAY 2
Saturday
W e reached KL Central train station at around 0645 in the morning... still puzzled about the passports, we loitered around the station looking for assistance.. however, bloody information booth was closed so we had breakfast first after walking aimlessly for half an hour... by the time, the booth opened, that is when upon asking that we found out how swakoo we were.. it seems the train system had switched to computers and would not require the stamping of passports anymore... no words could describee how 'stone age' i felt man... anyways, we made our way towards Bukit Bintang to look for a hotel... As i mentioned earlier about my hopeless navigational skills, we took a wrong turn and spent an hour in the morning trying to look for the hotel we had targeted..Worst thing was when we finally found it, it was full... so we walked around a bit more and settled into a hotel down the street along Jln Alor... not bad... RM 75 a night... thats about $35 plus a night... after settling in, wasted no time and went to walk around... all in all, we must have visited all the shoppig centres in the area, say for a fewbought for myself a new lava lamp... visited the night market in Chinatown at night.... thats was the cream of the crop man... Bargains and cheap stuff were the itenary for the night...ended up buying a new wallet for myself...... ended up back in the hotel at about 10 plus, all tired out...
 
DAY 3
Sunday
Woke up at 10 plus that day... Charmain was already up and ready to move... I tell you, women will do anything when it comes to shopping... We started by going over to Pudu Raya Bus station to buy our bus tickets back to Singapore... At Rm25 ech, we got a steal man... after that, we walked throughtout the city... pass St John's church... Walking towards the Petronas Towers... Sight to behold man... After photo-slutting for half a day there, went to have a look at Zouk KL... Not bad..looks beautiful on the outside... Next time, that will be my first destination... We then walked along Jln Sultan Ismail all the way back towards our hotel... at night, we ended up back in China for more night shopping... that is when i discovered my fav food was there... Hokkien Mee, KL style...i tell you, its the best... grew up eating that.. freaked the hell out of Charmain though cuz it was really all fatty and stuff... hehe... Anyways, stayed around the area before returning to the hotel at about 9 plus... Watched Malaysian Idol on Tv... sucks man... and i though Singapore Idol was bad... Both of us ended up doing crossword puzzles till we slept at around 2....
 
DAY 4
Monday
Today was a good day... woke up telling myself that i was on holi and need not go back to work... itell u the feeling is great... anyway, as usual, charmain woke up before me we made our way to the bank to withdraw out some cash.... thats is how dangerous shopping can be man... we den took a cab to Sunway Lagoon... Long time since i last went there... the place still looks exactly the same... took lots of photos and rides till we went quesy in the knees... hehe...Thankfully charmain found a bus leading us back towards Kota Rayam which was next to Chinatown.... took the bus back to Chinatown,back to the night market again...hehe... hopeless la the both of us...spent the last night shopping for bags and to Sungai Wang to look for DVDs....
 
DAY 5
Tuesday
Woke up and packed our stuff and went over to the bus station... Nothing much today.. boarded the 1030 bus and reached back to Signapore at about 330 in the afternoon....
 
Wished this trip would last longer man... Though i really missed all my frens in Sg and those not in Sg....Nvm, looking forward to the next trip in Sept... Mat and Co planning to go to some waterfall near Kuantan... Hopefully, if my schedule allows for it, can go.... Time to start praying....

mi office bunch.... 

OLSOTS bunch.... 

local delicacy... cannot find in singapore.... But those who think they are fat, BEWARE!!! will add unwanted weight!!! hehe :) 

slackin...... :P 

on the way back.... 

Me & Charmain :) 

i'm in lurrrrve!!!! :) 

wasted never go... too busy walking.... next time maybe... 

Petronas Towers!!! Bloody tall and a hell of a walk to get there... 

Last Gasp

Finally, after 4 days of being sick at work and surviving on only coffee and an exceptional amount of lack of sleep, and not to mention lots of pills and medicine, it is finally over... nad later tonight, i'm going on holidays to KL!!!! WOO HOO!!!! here i come... man, haven't taken a holiday since god knows when... best part is that it is so impromptu... thats what i love about this..... Goin up to KL with Main via train and from there, we'll slowly decide where to go, where to sleep and so on... Man, its gonna be gd.... hehe... preparing everything now.... hmmm did i forget anything? anyways, a big shout out to all at work... THANKS GUYS FOR ALL THE HARD WORK AND COOPERATION. IT WAS A GREAT TEAM EFFORT!!! gonna miss all my beloved buddies in sg, mainly Amandy, Carole and all others that i did not mention...GONNA MIS U GUYS... anyways, gonna be in KL till tues so ain't gonna blog till den... Alice babe, am gonna miss msging u for the next few days.... dun worry, i'll still make long distance sms k? k den, shall go slp now... TMR GOING HOLI!!!! WOO HOO!!!

Weeks

Damn sad man, been sick for the last 3 days... been having fever on and off as well as a bad throat... cough is killing me and am not able to smoke... well, guess thats gd news for some... hehe...Had a high fever on friday night... hit 38.7 in the middle of the night... limbs were numb as hell...
Sister got married this weekend. had achalet, whereby all my relatives came down from malaysia... so nice to see them after so long... met up with some of my aunties and had nice long talks with them..naturally, the most asked question to me was when would it be my turn? in return, i told them i wasn't planning on getting married...hehe.. too much of a hassle...i told them... hehe...
Frens came from the afternoon... Noel, isaac, isabelle, edna and yingliang, amandy, chris, gab, roch and joanne p... thanks all you guys for coming... Missed church for 2 weeks already... kinda miss all the peeps in the choir... hang in there babes... u still sound as good as always...
Gonna be on mc for today until tomorrow...doctor refuses not to give me mc cuz he says i sill have fevers so cannot go back to work... he must have thought i was crazy when i told him i didn't want an mc... oh well,,, anyways, after this week, all will be over so must hang in there... after that can finally go for my holis... gonna meet main tomorrow to discuss about imending trip to kl this weekend... hope it works out... k den,,, must go sleep now... cuz i promised someone i would... and its not nice tobreak a promise.. so ciaoz all..

huh?

here i am in camp, blogging halfway through work in the middle of the night.... crazy right? hehe... anyway, just wanna shout out to all my frens, enemies, people who dun like me, people who love me, people who dun know me and those who think thy do... HELLO!!!!!!!! MISS U GUYS!!!! CAN U HEAR ME????

Tired...

listening to music now and getting ready to sleep... been worked out for the last 2 days... another 12 more days to go i guess.... well, nothing i can do except grip my teeth and carry on.... lookiing forward to my sister's wedding this weekend... really happy for her... finally, i can get her room!!! haha...yah right... talked to noel just now... haven't spoke to him in a while now... caught up a while on old times and promised to catch up more on the wedding...hehe... ok now, time to sleep b4 u know what happens!!! CIAOZ!!!

When the going gets tough...

Hiaz, been too busy to blog the last few days , with work and everything but today, managed to aqueeze some time just before i sleep.... Have been working non stop throughout the week to prep for work next week... going to be a busy one week... its ganna be so drastic that i might not even be able to go home... but what the heck... nobody said working was gonna be easy right? anyways, went to the karaoke with the guys after work yesterday... cynric brought his wife, and joanne from wgc came down as well.. all in all, it was pretty fun, except for the fact that most of the songs they sung were in chinese and i couldn't read whateva that was on the screen...yes, my chinese is that bad!!! but none the less, was pretty fun hanging out with them... came home and concussed immediately... slept till pretty much very late this afternoon before bat called me out for lunch... spent the afternoon watching mean girls with her cuz i just downloaded it... not bad... lindsay lohan is da bomb man!!! anyways, after that, amandy & andi came over.... ironically, they wanted to watch mean girls as well so in the space of 4 hrs, i watched the damn show twice... now i'm sick of the show...hehe... carole den came over and after andi left... me, amnady and carole den slacked awhile before i had to leave for dinner at rob's place... went over to eat his dad's chicken rice... i'm telling you, he should open a stall for it... sure can earn one... its that gd... anyways, slacked a while b4 returning home, where amandy and carole still were... 3 of us plus chris and roch, slacked somemore all the ways till 11 plus b4 all had to go... thats now... anyway, was reading through alice's blog just... she seems really troubled over there... from what i see, its something to do with her best fren... well, hang in there girl... its gonna be ok... i'm sure things will work out fine ok? keep fighting and the light will appear at the end of the tunnel...remember, i'm always a phonecall away if u need anything... k den... shall not delay my sleep anymore if not gonna be late for work AGAIN!!!! NITEZ YALL!!!

Talk about a tiring day....

Just reached home... met carole... hang in there babe... poor sista just got out of a bad relationship.... its oki... There is someone better out there for you k? Anyway, had a damn tiring day at work today... woke up damn early and met cynric in the morning at his place at 0630... got to work at 7 only to find that it was all in vain cuz it started pouring... (Damn it!!) so had to postphone IPPT until evening lor... haiz... by that time, already half dead in the evening... not bad la, still managed to get a silver... only just, though honestly, i dun really care if i pass or fail...to me, just doesn't matter anymore...cuz i'm really sick of my job... need a change of environmment, a new job.... if only... haiz... still had to work late till 11 plus so thats why am home so late... alice will be away for a few days so won't really have anyone to talk to...everynody is like so busy with sch and work.... maybe its a gd thing... be with myself for a while... to think thru about life and all its lousy moments...hmmm...anyway damn tired now....zzzzzzzz