She sat by her grandmother's bed in the hospital. While her granny slept, the only thing which accompanied her was the sounds of her grandma's breathing aided by the machines, the mechenical beeping it made indicating her granny's heartbeat, and the pervasive silence all around... Sometimes, silence can really seem so loud. Especially when you're alone, and watching someone you love at their death bed, knowing still that it could go eitherway.
She had been here before. This had happened to granny too many times. Every few months ending up in the hospital as her condition deteriotated, from being bed ridden at home to being bed ridden in the hospital. The only change in the situation was the number of people at attention to deal with her either at home or the hospital.
She had lived a long hard life, and seemed like she would die the same way. Sometimes you wonder about how harsh life can be for someone like her to seem to suffer for so many years. Her husband died when she was 22, leaving her with 5 children. She worked two shifts at school to bring up her family. When she stopped working, she developed Bi-polar disorder - or perhaps it had always been inside her, but being without work triggered it full force. It was seemingly downhill from there... 40 odd years of suffering.
And here she lay... From all her efforts to build good lives for her children, here she lay.
Thoughts ran through her granddaughters mind... What if she died today? What would happen tomorrow? She always feared her granny dying on her watch. The second time that thought crossed her mind, her grandma's breathing DID STOP! The nurses rushed in to aid. She stepped aside to let them deal with it. Feeling as though she had brought it on by the thought.
She knew that her grandma was holding on for something. At the least, holding on to die at home, and not in the sterile environment of the hospital. She wanted to die in the place where she used to sleep best. At home, where so many memories were held.
Granny did survive this hospital stay. And a few more after that. A few more episodes of worrying, and wondering, and sometimes saying to granny "Why are you still holding on? Who are you holding on for? If you're tired, let go... Just let go..."
It may seem like a cruel thing to say. Knowing that in some subconsciouse state she can still hear you. Knowing that you want her to take that walk into the light...
When she finally did let go, in her own room, her own bed... The relief that came to the living could not be denied. She had suffered so long... 5 years bed ridden. For a woman who single handedly all on her own went through india to visit all the grand temples there! ON HER OWN! Certainly a feat for an Indian Woman! Aside from bringing up her children to be successful professionals all on her own while working two jobs.
Alass.. Her soul was put to rest.
It was for the best.
Rest in peace. You will always be loved and missed.
Tuesday, June 14, 2005
MOMENTS IN LIFE
There are moments in life when you miss someone so much
that you just want to pick them from your dreams
and hug them for real!
When the door of happiness closes, another opens;
but often times we look so long at the closed door
that we don't see the one which has been opened for us.
Don't go for looks; they can deceive.
Don't go for wealth; even that fades away.
Go for someone who makes you smile,
because it takes only a smile to
make a dark day seem bright.
Find the one that makes your heart smile.
Dream what you want to dream;
go where you want to go;
be what you want to be,
because you have only one life
and one chance to do all the things
you want to do.
May you have enough happiness to make you sweet,
enough trials to make you strong,
enough sorrow to keep you human, and
enough hope to make you happy.
The happiest of people don't necessarily
have the best of everything;
they just make the most of
everything that comes along their way.
The brightest future will always
be based on a forgotten past;
you can't go forward in life until
you let go of your past failures and heartaches.
When you were born, you were crying
and everyone around you was smiling.
Live your life so at the end,
you're the one who is smiling and everyone
around you is crying.
Don't count the years--count the memories...........
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take,
but by the moments that take our breath away !
that you just want to pick them from your dreams
and hug them for real!
When the door of happiness closes, another opens;
but often times we look so long at the closed door
that we don't see the one which has been opened for us.
Don't go for looks; they can deceive.
Don't go for wealth; even that fades away.
Go for someone who makes you smile,
because it takes only a smile to
make a dark day seem bright.
Find the one that makes your heart smile.
Dream what you want to dream;
go where you want to go;
be what you want to be,
because you have only one life
and one chance to do all the things
you want to do.
May you have enough happiness to make you sweet,
enough trials to make you strong,
enough sorrow to keep you human, and
enough hope to make you happy.
The happiest of people don't necessarily
have the best of everything;
they just make the most of
everything that comes along their way.
The brightest future will always
be based on a forgotten past;
you can't go forward in life until
you let go of your past failures and heartaches.
When you were born, you were crying
and everyone around you was smiling.
Live your life so at the end,
you're the one who is smiling and everyone
around you is crying.
Don't count the years--count the memories...........
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take,
but by the moments that take our breath away !
This Is Why I Don't Support InterMarriages!
Two men met at a bus stop and struck up a conversation. One of them kept complaining of family problems. Finally, the other man said: "You think you have family problems? Listen to my situation." "A few years ago I met a young widow with a grown-up daughter. We got married and got myself a stepdaughter. Later, my father married my stepdaughter. That made my stepdaughter, my step-mother. And my father became my stepson.
Also, my wife became mother-in-law of her father-in-law." "Much later the daughter of my wife, my stepmother, had a son. This boy was my half-brother because he was my father's son. But he was also the son of my wife's daughter which made him my wife's grand-son.That made me the grand-father of my half-brother."
"This was nothing until my wife and I had a son. Now the half-sister of my son my stepmother, is also the Grandmother. This makes my father, the brother-in-law of my child, whose stepsister is my father's wife!!, I am my stepmother's brother-in-law, my wife is her own child's aunt, my son is my father's nephew & I am my OWN GRANDFATHER!" "And you think you have FAMILY PROBLEMS!!!
Also, my wife became mother-in-law of her father-in-law." "Much later the daughter of my wife, my stepmother, had a son. This boy was my half-brother because he was my father's son. But he was also the son of my wife's daughter which made him my wife's grand-son.That made me the grand-father of my half-brother."
"This was nothing until my wife and I had a son. Now the half-sister of my son my stepmother, is also the Grandmother. This makes my father, the brother-in-law of my child, whose stepsister is my father's wife!!, I am my stepmother's brother-in-law, my wife is her own child's aunt, my son is my father's nephew & I am my OWN GRANDFATHER!" "And you think you have FAMILY PROBLEMS!!!
Saturday, June 11, 2005
Finally!!!
Finally pay day has come and gone.....
For us army regulars, i guess payday is probably the happiest day of the month... Did i mention that it is also the most depressing?? Why?? Simply because after finding out that u finally have cash for the month, the thoughts of having to pay the bills start to cloud your mind... Its like yesterday morning... After checking my bank account, was so happy that it was finnaly pay day... 10 mins later on the internet, paid all my bills and felt as depressed as i first started.... Oh well, guess thats life..
Anyways, my promotion has finally been confirmed.. As of first july, i'm probably the youngest Staff Sergaent in the armed forces... Feels good though insignificant.... Only thing that makes me happier would be the well waited for pay rise...
Went to Coco Latte last night.. Hip hop there is pretty good.. though must say that place is really small....Went with carole, amanda and her frens, sophie and her boyfriend.. And i met an old fren of mine there.. Apparently, in school, this guy was really quiet and withdrawn... Won't really call him a nerd, but its more of like one of the people u least expect to meet in a club, let alone a hiphop club... Met some other old army mates of mine toos!!
Must really club more man... feels like through all these years, i've been missing all these, concentrating on nothing but work... Looks like its time to catch up with the time lost....
For us army regulars, i guess payday is probably the happiest day of the month... Did i mention that it is also the most depressing?? Why?? Simply because after finding out that u finally have cash for the month, the thoughts of having to pay the bills start to cloud your mind... Its like yesterday morning... After checking my bank account, was so happy that it was finnaly pay day... 10 mins later on the internet, paid all my bills and felt as depressed as i first started.... Oh well, guess thats life..
Anyways, my promotion has finally been confirmed.. As of first july, i'm probably the youngest Staff Sergaent in the armed forces... Feels good though insignificant.... Only thing that makes me happier would be the well waited for pay rise...
Went to Coco Latte last night.. Hip hop there is pretty good.. though must say that place is really small....Went with carole, amanda and her frens, sophie and her boyfriend.. And i met an old fren of mine there.. Apparently, in school, this guy was really quiet and withdrawn... Won't really call him a nerd, but its more of like one of the people u least expect to meet in a club, let alone a hiphop club... Met some other old army mates of mine toos!!
Must really club more man... feels like through all these years, i've been missing all these, concentrating on nothing but work... Looks like its time to catch up with the time lost....
Sunday, June 05, 2005
Sunday...
Sadly, on this sunday, i'm working from home... not really slogging my guts out but den again, it ain't really enjoyable either... i mean, worrying about work 5 days a week is bad enough, but when it eats into your weekends, u know that something is very wrong.... And me, being the workaholic that i am, will end up burying myself into work immensely that i won't have time for anyone, thats right, even corrinne.... but luckily for this girlfriend of mine, she will be busy for these 2 weekends... Least she'll be keeping herself busy... On my part now, either than work, must find something else to keep myself busy...Hmmm...
CLUBBING THIS FRIDAY!!!! WOO HOO!!!! having been broke for the last few weeks, its a pretty much welcomed relief....Least can let my hair down... Been too damn busy to do that of late, but i'm preety sure things are sure to get worse....
Carole's been having some problems of late... Hope she's coping fine... Dun worry babe, i'll be behind u every step of the way, supporting that big butt of yours!!! hehe... Just don't fart!!!
Carole's really been a best mate of mine... Thanks for being there babe, for the haircuts, the moments with me in the darkest moments in my life...
Come to think of it, there are several people in my life that i really can't do without... These are the few people that i would really give up my life for... The angelus choir, carole, amanda, corrinne, pattys, rob,andi,rene.... Honestly, i wouldn't dare to imagine my life without these people... in fact, i wouldn't even be here today without the presence of them in my life...
Youth mass this morning was a killer... hehe.. in the sense that we had to be in church at 9 in the morning... GOODNESS!!! who wakes up so early on a sunday?!! SIAO!!!! anyways, there was this comment the priest made, after hearing a presentation by the youth group to rally more youths to go for youth week...
Priest: Parents! We are really interested in your children....
Sounds like something Wacko Jacko would say...
CLUBBING THIS FRIDAY!!!! WOO HOO!!!! having been broke for the last few weeks, its a pretty much welcomed relief....Least can let my hair down... Been too damn busy to do that of late, but i'm preety sure things are sure to get worse....
Carole's been having some problems of late... Hope she's coping fine... Dun worry babe, i'll be behind u every step of the way, supporting that big butt of yours!!! hehe... Just don't fart!!!
Carole's really been a best mate of mine... Thanks for being there babe, for the haircuts, the moments with me in the darkest moments in my life...
Come to think of it, there are several people in my life that i really can't do without... These are the few people that i would really give up my life for... The angelus choir, carole, amanda, corrinne, pattys, rob,andi,rene.... Honestly, i wouldn't dare to imagine my life without these people... in fact, i wouldn't even be here today without the presence of them in my life...
Youth mass this morning was a killer... hehe.. in the sense that we had to be in church at 9 in the morning... GOODNESS!!! who wakes up so early on a sunday?!! SIAO!!!! anyways, there was this comment the priest made, after hearing a presentation by the youth group to rally more youths to go for youth week...
Priest: Parents! We are really interested in your children....
Sounds like something Wacko Jacko would say...
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