Coolie DAy!!!

Today was coolie day... had to shift store for the whole morning ... by the time it was lunchtime, i was totally konked out...took a nap until 2 before got dragged down by cynric.... stubled through the rest of the day half dead.... worst thing now is that i found out tomolo morning have to take ippt test again...tired man...well, i guess thats life... so what the helll...just do it lor... :) anyways,amandy dropped by my place today to help me with my blog... yah!! got the pictures thingy from her so now i can so my ugly face to the rest of the world...hehe had a nice long chat with her before she left... betta go slp now... have to get up damn early tomorrow... CIAOZ...

Huh?

Just got off the phone with carole... YAH!!! shes got a handphone again... finally there's a way to contact her.... however, there is a flipside to this news.... Was still wondering why jason wasn't going for the wedding...just found out why... it seems that jason and carole have broken up.... that explains why carole and rene are chumps again... (Not Again?!!) well, kudos to rene for hanging in there as a fren all the way... just went jogging just now... realised that i haven't jogged in a while and after 2 rounds round the reservior, was totally breathless... well, but the feeling after that was good... felt light as as a feather(not that i'm damn heavy to begin with!!) talked to alice before she went to sch... boy, i tell u she sounds so cute when she's half asleep... hehe... just so happen she told me to msg her to wake up but after 15 mins, i realised that she hadn't woken up so i ended up calling all the way to canada to wake her up!!! hehe... now, i know it was worth it cuz the voice i heard over the phine must have been one of the cutest sounds of my life!!! sounded something like "huh? who is this?" in a real deep sleepy tone... So cute!!! hehe... anywayz, we chatted until she had to go to sch.... work today as usual was a bore and the endless amount of arrows that seem to keep finding their way to me is piling up...(bet cynric has something to do with it...hehe) juz jokin... missed class again today cuz was really stoned by the time i finished work so ya, i have missed a total of 5 lessons already... out of 7 or 8 i think... well, as long as i finish the damn project, i guess its ok... the new mp3 player is da bomb man.... the quality of the sound is really second to none... real gd... no regrets on that department... only worry comes from the payment now... owe jiaqi $300 bucks for this beauty... well, good things dun come cheap!!! need to start contemplating on how to save money already... got loads of things to buy and save for.... mi holidays is one of them... wanna take a trip either to australia or new zealand... or if money and time permits, visit alice in vancouver... really hope to do that.... can't believe mi sis is getting married next weekend... how time flies man... one min we are kids playing around, next min, she's off getting married.... wonder when my turn?(Depression) ok, lets not go there.... wonder how the prep is coming along? btw, HAPPY BIRTHDAY ANGELA!!!!! hehe... didi never forget your b-dae.... ok den, betta go sleep i not tmr sure die... have to become part time coolie again tmr morning so betta conserve my energy.... Nitez all!@#$$%%^^&

I hate mondays!!!

Amazingly, got up today at 545... after only sleeping at about 3 last night...spent the whole nite talking to alice... rushed to work only to find out thano need to run today, cuz have to help cynric do work... that ass...hehe... anyways, got mi new mp3 player today from jiaqi... 1.5 gb man!!! now can store half of my entire mp3s and take them everywhere i go...WOOPEE!!!! work was sucky as usual as of any other mondays... worse thing was that had to work late until nearly 8 plus... damn shack man... by the time, i got hm, was nearly 10... just in time for frens!!!! thankfully, i caught it after missing so many bloody episodes.... hehe... anyway, read what edna wrote on her blog about me and damn i have a lot to say but thats on "the other side of me".... finally i can say i'm over it!!!! think i'll go sleep nowz... gd nite world...gd nite alice...good nitez amandy and main.... good nite!! :P

Another bloody sunday....

Woke up today feeling much better.... got awakened by mumsy to eat lunch...half groggy, half awake, picked up a call by amandy... den met up with them to play some pool... pat, amandy, chris joanne p and corrine was there... hehe.. pat damn poor thing man... she was standing next to the cue and suddenly realised that she was as tall as the cue... its ok babe... we still lurve u...hehe... den met up with robbo at 925... although he was only back for a day, still glad to see him back in one piece... anywayz, edna called today... said she wanted to talk to me about why i was feeling sad(??)... well, told her i would call her later... delay...guess that has to be the only way....amandy came over in the evening.... had to borrow my cpu cuz hers was down and she hadn't checked her stuff in nearly amonth... poor babe... anyways, feel asleep watching her update her stuff...woke up later send her down to meet andi...
Poor main has to stay at home... still haven't recovered from the infections she got from thailand... poor babe...Dun worry, anything just give me a call k? Had a great time talking to alice...halfway across the world from canada.... thanks a million baby... thanjks for being a great fren.... can't wait for u to come back to singapore...den celebrate your b-dae in style k? hehe... Damn, neck aching like hell now... think might need to go sleep soon... have to wake up damn ealry tomorrow to meet cynric...hope i dun get up late again... am running out of cash trying to take cabs to work... damn expensive man...

Something wrong?

Just talked to alice just now... hmmm haven't seen her since i went out with her and edna about a year plus ago...well, anyway, it was great to hear from her.... FRANCE LOST!!!!!! Wat the hell? this euro championships sucks man... i'm telling u its all rigged...Bloody europians...hehe Anyway, am having a giant splitting headache now... as well as a damn stiff neck... need to try to slp... alice say dun think so much.. so does amandy...and main....and also robbo... maybe i should try that...... :P

How do i fight this feeling?

Just read through her blog... and suddenly, i'm back into depression phase again... guess i ain't ready yet... well, at least i was civilised... that would probably be the only good thing... really can't describe how it feels... its like really sad, becuz its like as though all this time, it was nothing at all... that could possibly be one of the worst feelings in the world... Sometimes till today, i still wonder, does she REALLY know how i feel? she claims to know... but from the signs that i'm seeing, its either she's really insensitive or she's a damn good actress... Everyday, i wake up and tell myself that a new day has arrived and new beginnings will arrive but end the day feeling like a piece of shit... WHY???!!! depression just comes and goes as he pleases through me... honestly, all my life, i was always against the idea of people killing themselves cuz i always felt that there is always something worth living for... now i know how they feel... i'm not saying that family and frens ain't important...but nobody feels the pain more than the hurtee himself... The one who inflicts the hurt will never know how much pain they have caused... They think they do, but nothing will ever replace the feeling of feeling it... though i am grateful to all my frens for all the advice, i just really feel sick and tired of everything... its like losing a motive in life... nothing seems to matter anymore... the drive that pushes the engine just ain't there anymore... She'll neva understand... and i know she will say she does, and that i should just get over it but i'm trying ain't i? Every other day, i reach home, i feel so sad and redundant... yes, i feel i'm redundant... redundant to society.. reduced to be an outcast of society... and that is just one of the many after-effects that has resulted from this... i dun blame her.. i never will.. and all i will get out of this will probably be a " WHY U SO STUPID? ITS NOT WORTH IT!" i know... sometimes, its not knowing whether its worth it or not, its just doing it.. i know i promised that i wouldn't talk about it anymore 2 weeks ago but i need an outlet.... i can't hold it in me anymore... its too god damn mother fucking tiring to hold it inside me anymore... i dun think i can take this driving of myself crazy anymore.. sometimes, i just really wish i were dead. den maybe it would solve some things...maybe it wouldn't... but at least there won't be any continuation of it... and thats a start to a perfect dead end...

Duty

sigh..am on duty again...agreeed to help jiaqi cover his duty cuz he felt no mood to do his duty...hehe..should have made him pay me $50 bucks for it...hehe...well, it ain't all too bad....had a good time talking to jayne and francis tonight whilst on duty... was toking to jaybe about everything under the sun...or moon should i say... interesting...not too bad... started reliving the bmt days with francis....makes me wanna go through bmt all over again... seriously speaking, the one year spent in safec turned out to be one of the better years of my life...although academically, i didn't do too well...however, i grew up from there and made many plesant memories... :) can't wait for the bloody england portugal game to start... am having a bloody hard time trying to stay awake... think i'm gonna be a zombie tomorrow morning... with puffy eyes and eyebags as big as a trashbag....hehe...

Mondays

Haiz...Its Monday again... took a half day from work today cuz it was like damn boring...no mood to work man... just the though of the long week is dreadful.... Anyways, met carole after she got off work to do a bit of shopping for her school stuff... needed bags and clothes and shoes and all that crap... went to far east plaze to walk around... den i reminded myself why i hate shopping, although carole has a whole different standpoint on that... she thinks i'm the best freind a girl could have cuz i was like some girl choosing all the stuffs with her... now i know why all my ex girlfriends say i'm a better friend den a boyfriend...Haiz... Speaking of ex girlfriends, met yan lan at far east... abit surprising that she was there cuz she didn't have work today...lucky her...sitting on the seat and licking her ice cream...anyways, shopped till about the evening before deciding to go back north to have dinner....after that, watched legally blonde 2 wit carole... i swear, that is the most blonde show to ever be produced.... Hehe...Though i have to say it was enjoyable to a certain extent.... :P

Bored?

Came back from camp in the morning.... Damn tired.... u know, i think i'm sleeping too much... Slept in the afternnon for slightly less than an hour and slept again in the evening for nearly 5 hours... i think i was a sloth in my past life... Anyways, as usual, carole failed to wake up on time again in the morning so i didn't go church... That woman!! Met Bat in the afternnon... Exciting time for them, these young ppl... Confirmation Today!!! Wow!!! Basically it just means to them that after this, they have no more real reason to wake up early on sundays and go to church...Hehe!!! Well, that was my reason...hehe...
Father's Day today and the sad thingy is that mi mumsy is flying off to thailand for the next few days...poor dadsy is gonna be so lonel...dun worry, he still has us!!!! hehe...his free-spending and annoying children.... Kinda miss Main who is sadly currently in Thailand...Come Back BABE!!!! can u hear me? Dun worry so much about results....Shit happens!!! :P

What is Love?

After doing many weeks of soul searching and thinking, i've come to realise a very important question.... Just what is love? I guess it runs in the same context of what is life? But there is a difference in life and love...
In life, you are what you want your life to be... There are no external human factors to immediately influence the outcome... You can give 100% in life and see results, however small being churned out and you can feel the satisfaction of it... But in love, whether or not you give 10% or 100%, the results will always depend on the other party... For example, you can love someone whole-heartedly and never ever cheat on that person or lie to them, but if they have a change of heart, every other thing that you do can never salvage the situation... He/She will always remember the bad moments in the time that you were together...
With this in mind, just what is love? Why is it that people cannot live without it? Is it really so potent to the extent that a person who never loves becomes a dark image of themself?

Does she know?

Does she know how i feel?
Does she know the hurt that she has caused?
Does she know how much i love her?
Does she know the amount of pain that i am suffering now in my head and my heart?
Does she know about the facade that i put on every day?
Does she know everytime i see her, my heart aches?
Does she know everytime she talks about him, how i wish it were me?
Does she know of the countless amount of doubts that i have?
If she did, what would she do?