Monday, February 21, 2005
hehe
as u can tell, i'm on a massive blogging spree.... just finished range and came back to the office to check my mails and felt i should post some of the stuff i get from people which i find interesting, inspiring or just absolutely hilarious or stupid... check out my other blog too as i have posted some intere... can't possibly post so many here right, although i think i have already posted like 15 of it already..hehe...
Dear Bruce
this was extracted from "Dear Bruce", an Australian 'Agony Aunt' column in a popular men's magazine....
Q. Dear Bruce I have some lucky condoms that I keep in my wallet. I am beginning to wonder if they really are lucky, as they have been there for two months
A. Jesus mate, no worries. Men only use rubbers when they are sober anyway. Guess that means you've been pissed for two months which makes you one lucky bastard! Just on a medical note - rubbers are good idea to use when you do an Abo, as they are smelly bastards, Oh and 'roos too, helps avoid bush rash.
Q. Dear Bruce my girlfriend got upset when I suggested I use an old girlfriend's vibrator on her.
A. No worries. I've seen this before. Women need reassuring. Tell the stupid bitch that you have cleaned it since you last used it. Sometimes Sheila's get hung up on hygiene.
Q. Dear Bruce I gave my sister one and now she wants me to do it to her mate.
A. Errr... mate you're from Tasmania right? No worries mate, as long as her mate is a Sheila it's ok.
Q. Dear Bruce, After my last Hockey game I got an erection in the showers. Is this normal, I am a single guy and like girls.
A. Nah mate you're queer. Only poofters play hockey.
Q. Dear Bruce, my wife says I don't use enough lubricant before we have sex.
A. Exactly how many beers are you drinking before you root her?
Q. Dear Bruce, I am beginning to suspect I am gay. I wear leather trousers and have just grown a Freddie Mercury moustache. I don't know who to turn to.
A. Get a grip of yourself man. Face facts, be logical: You're a raving poofter, no one likes you, get a gun, blow your brains out.
Q. Dear Bruce, my girl friend says we don't do enough foreplay.
A. Geez mate, you had me stumped for a bit. I didn't recognise the word 'Foreplay'. Then it struck me, 'Fore' is what you shout in golf. Jeez mate, men don't play golf with women - but it's ok for her practice putting with your dick.
Q. Dear Bruce, I fooled around with a Kiwi and now I have a dose of the clap. What do I do ?
A. Deny, deny, deny, deny, deny and never ever, ever, ever, ever admit to rooting a Kiwi.
Q. Bruce, the boys are telling me there is such a thing as Dingo sex. What is it?
A. There are two types. The first one when you wake up next to a f*cking ugly Sheila and you chew your arm off to escape, rather than wake her, just like a dingo caught in a trap. And the other one is when you drink too much and your old boy...it Dingo hard and it dingo in.
Q. Dear Bruce I have some lucky condoms that I keep in my wallet. I am beginning to wonder if they really are lucky, as they have been there for two months
A. Jesus mate, no worries. Men only use rubbers when they are sober anyway. Guess that means you've been pissed for two months which makes you one lucky bastard! Just on a medical note - rubbers are good idea to use when you do an Abo, as they are smelly bastards, Oh and 'roos too, helps avoid bush rash.
Q. Dear Bruce my girlfriend got upset when I suggested I use an old girlfriend's vibrator on her.
A. No worries. I've seen this before. Women need reassuring. Tell the stupid bitch that you have cleaned it since you last used it. Sometimes Sheila's get hung up on hygiene.
Q. Dear Bruce I gave my sister one and now she wants me to do it to her mate.
A. Errr... mate you're from Tasmania right? No worries mate, as long as her mate is a Sheila it's ok.
Q. Dear Bruce, After my last Hockey game I got an erection in the showers. Is this normal, I am a single guy and like girls.
A. Nah mate you're queer. Only poofters play hockey.
Q. Dear Bruce, my wife says I don't use enough lubricant before we have sex.
A. Exactly how many beers are you drinking before you root her?
Q. Dear Bruce, I am beginning to suspect I am gay. I wear leather trousers and have just grown a Freddie Mercury moustache. I don't know who to turn to.
A. Get a grip of yourself man. Face facts, be logical: You're a raving poofter, no one likes you, get a gun, blow your brains out.
Q. Dear Bruce, my girl friend says we don't do enough foreplay.
A. Geez mate, you had me stumped for a bit. I didn't recognise the word 'Foreplay'. Then it struck me, 'Fore' is what you shout in golf. Jeez mate, men don't play golf with women - but it's ok for her practice putting with your dick.
Q. Dear Bruce, I fooled around with a Kiwi and now I have a dose of the clap. What do I do ?
A. Deny, deny, deny, deny, deny and never ever, ever, ever, ever admit to rooting a Kiwi.
Q. Bruce, the boys are telling me there is such a thing as Dingo sex. What is it?
A. There are two types. The first one when you wake up next to a f*cking ugly Sheila and you chew your arm off to escape, rather than wake her, just like a dingo caught in a trap. And the other one is when you drink too much and your old boy...it Dingo hard and it dingo in.
Have u grown?
How to tell you have grown up....
1. Your house plants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them.
2. Having sex in a single bed is out of the question.
3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
5. You hear your favourite song on an elevator.
6. You watch the Weather Channel.
7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of go out and break up.
8. You go from 130 days of holiday time to 14.
9. Jeans and a jumper no longer qualify as "dressed up."
10. You're the one calling the police because those damn kids next door won't turn down the stereo.
11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
12. You don't know what time Hungry Jacks closes anymore.
13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.
14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonalds leftovers.
15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
16. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.
17. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach.
18. You go to the chemist for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests.
19. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good stuff."
20. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.
21. "I just can't drink the way I used to," replaces, "I'm never going to drink that much again."
22. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
23. You no longer drink at home to save money before going to a bar.
24. You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that doesn't apply to you.
1. Your house plants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them.
2. Having sex in a single bed is out of the question.
3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
5. You hear your favourite song on an elevator.
6. You watch the Weather Channel.
7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of go out and break up.
8. You go from 130 days of holiday time to 14.
9. Jeans and a jumper no longer qualify as "dressed up."
10. You're the one calling the police because those damn kids next door won't turn down the stereo.
11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
12. You don't know what time Hungry Jacks closes anymore.
13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.
14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonalds leftovers.
15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
16. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.
17. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach.
18. You go to the chemist for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests.
19. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good stuff."
20. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.
21. "I just can't drink the way I used to," replaces, "I'm never going to drink that much again."
22. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
23. You no longer drink at home to save money before going to a bar.
24. You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that doesn't apply to you.
NewlyWeds
A newlywed couple had only been married for two weeks. The husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies. So, he said to his new wife, "Honey, I'll be right back."
"Where are you going, coochy cooh?" asked the wife.
"I'm going to the bar, pretty face. I'm going to have a beer."
The wife said, "You want a beer, my love?" She opened the door to the refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer, brands from 12 different countries: Germany, Holland, Japan, India, etc.
The husband didn't know what to do, and the only thing that he could think of saying was, "Yes, lolly pop...but at the bar...you know... they have frozen glasses..."
He didn't get to finish the sentence, because the wife interrupted him by saying, "You want a frozen glass, puppy face?" She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that she was getting chills just holding it.
The husband, looking a bit pale, said, "Yes, tootsie roll, but at the bar they have those hors d'oeuvres that are really delicious... I won't be long, I'll be right back. I promise. OK?"
"You want hors d'oeuvres, poochi pooh?" She opened the oven and took out 5 dishes of different hors d'oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in blankets, mushroom caps, pork strips, etc.
"But my sweet honey... at the bar... you know... there's swearing, dirty words and all that..."
"You want dirty words, cutie pie?...
"LISTEN UP, DICKHEAD! DRINK YOUR F***ING BEER IN YOUR GODDAMN FROZEN MUG AND EAT YOUR MOTHERF***ING SNACKS, BECAUSE YOU ARE MARRIED NOW! YOU AREN'T GOING ANYWHERE! GOT IT, ASSHOLE?"
.......................and, they lived happily ever after. Isn't that a
sweet story?
"Where are you going, coochy cooh?" asked the wife.
"I'm going to the bar, pretty face. I'm going to have a beer."
The wife said, "You want a beer, my love?" She opened the door to the refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer, brands from 12 different countries: Germany, Holland, Japan, India, etc.
The husband didn't know what to do, and the only thing that he could think of saying was, "Yes, lolly pop...but at the bar...you know... they have frozen glasses..."
He didn't get to finish the sentence, because the wife interrupted him by saying, "You want a frozen glass, puppy face?" She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that she was getting chills just holding it.
The husband, looking a bit pale, said, "Yes, tootsie roll, but at the bar they have those hors d'oeuvres that are really delicious... I won't be long, I'll be right back. I promise. OK?"
"You want hors d'oeuvres, poochi pooh?" She opened the oven and took out 5 dishes of different hors d'oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in blankets, mushroom caps, pork strips, etc.
"But my sweet honey... at the bar... you know... there's swearing, dirty words and all that..."
"You want dirty words, cutie pie?...
"LISTEN UP, DICKHEAD! DRINK YOUR F***ING BEER IN YOUR GODDAMN FROZEN MUG AND EAT YOUR MOTHERF***ING SNACKS, BECAUSE YOU ARE MARRIED NOW! YOU AREN'T GOING ANYWHERE! GOT IT, ASSHOLE?"
.......................and, they lived happily ever after. Isn't that a
sweet story?
Paradox of our time
The paradox of our time in history is that we
have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider
freeways, but narrower viewpoints.
We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.
We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little,drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom. We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.
We've learned how to make a living, but not a life.
We've added years to life not life to years.
We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the
street to meet a new neighbor.
We conquered outer space but not inner space.
We've done larger things, but not better things.
We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul.
We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice.
We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more
information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and
less.
These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion,
big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships.
These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but
broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable
diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies,
and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill.
It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share
this insight, or to just hit delete.
Remember, spend some time with your loved ones,
because they are not going to be around forever. Remember, say a kind word
to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will
grow up and leave your side.
Remember, to give a warm hug to the one
next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart
and it doesn't cost a cent.
Remember, to say, "I love you" to your partner
and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend
hurt when it comes from deep inside of you. Remember to hold hands and
cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again.
Give time to love,give time to speak, and give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind. Life is not measured by the number of breaths we
take,but by the moments that take our breath away.
have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider
freeways, but narrower viewpoints.
We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.
We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little,drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom. We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.
We've learned how to make a living, but not a life.
We've added years to life not life to years.
We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the
street to meet a new neighbor.
We conquered outer space but not inner space.
We've done larger things, but not better things.
We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul.
We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice.
We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more
information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and
less.
These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion,
big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships.
These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but
broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable
diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies,
and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill.
It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share
this insight, or to just hit delete.
Remember, spend some time with your loved ones,
because they are not going to be around forever. Remember, say a kind word
to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will
grow up and leave your side.
Remember, to give a warm hug to the one
next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart
and it doesn't cost a cent.
Remember, to say, "I love you" to your partner
and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend
hurt when it comes from deep inside of you. Remember to hold hands and
cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again.
Give time to love,give time to speak, and give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind. Life is not measured by the number of breaths we
take,but by the moments that take our breath away.
MDC
A female reporter was conducting an interview with a farmer about Mad
Cow Disease.
"Mr. Brown, do you have any idea what might be the cause of the
disease?"
"Sure. Do you know the bulls only screw the cows once a year?"
"Umm, sir, that is a new piece of information, but what's the relationship between this and Mad Cow?"
"And did you know we milk the cows twice a day?"
"Mr. Brown, that's interesting, but, what's the point?"
"Lady, the point is this: if I'm playing with your tits twice a day, but only screwing you once a year, wouldn't you go mad, too?"
Cow Disease.
"Mr. Brown, do you have any idea what might be the cause of the
disease?"
"Sure. Do you know the bulls only screw the cows once a year?"
"Umm, sir, that is a new piece of information, but what's the relationship between this and Mad Cow?"
"And did you know we milk the cows twice a day?"
"Mr. Brown, that's interesting, but, what's the point?"
"Lady, the point is this: if I'm playing with your tits twice a day, but only screwing you once a year, wouldn't you go mad, too?"
BAYEE!!!!
About a century or two ago, the Pope decided
that all the Sikhs had to leave Italy.
Naturally there was a big uproar from the Sikh community.
So the Pope made a deal. He would have a religious debate
with a member of the Sikh community.
If the Sikh won, the Sikhs could stay.
If the Pope won, the Sikhs would leave.
The Sikhs realized that they had no choice. Sothey picked a
middle-aged man named Harbinder Singh to represent
them.Harbinder asked for one addition to the debate.
To make it more interesting, neither side would be allowed
to talk! . The Pope agreed.
The day of the great debate came.
Harbinder Singh and the Pope sat opposite each other for a
full minute before the Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers.
Harbinder looked back at him and raised one finger.
The Pope waved his fingersin a circle around his head.
Harbinder pointed to the ground where he sat.
The Pope pulled out a wafer and a glass of wine. Harbinder pulled out an apple.
The Pope stood up and said, "I give up. This man is too good.
The Sikhs can stay."
An hour later, the cardinals were all around the Pope asking
him what had happened.
The Pope said, "First I held up three fingers to represent the
holy trinity.
He responded by holding up one finger to remind
me that there was still one God common to both our religions."
"Then I waved my finger around me to show him that God was all around us.
He responded by pointing to the ground and showing that God was also right here with us.
I pulled out the wine and wafer to show that God absolves us from our sins.
He pulled out an apple to remind me of original sin.
He had an answer for everything. What could I do?"
Meanwhile, the Sikh community had crowded around Harbinder Singh.
What happened?" they asked. "Well," said Harbinder,
"First he said to me that the Sikhs had three days to get out of here.
I told him f *@ k off and not one of us was leaving."
"Then he told me that this whole city would be cleared of Sikhs.
I let him know! that we were staying right here."
"Yes, yes, ...and then???" asked the crowd.
"I don't know",said Harbinder,
"He took out his lunch, and I took out mine!!!"
that all the Sikhs had to leave Italy.
Naturally there was a big uproar from the Sikh community.
So the Pope made a deal. He would have a religious debate
with a member of the Sikh community.
If the Sikh won, the Sikhs could stay.
If the Pope won, the Sikhs would leave.
The Sikhs realized that they had no choice. Sothey picked a
middle-aged man named Harbinder Singh to represent
them.Harbinder asked for one addition to the debate.
To make it more interesting, neither side would be allowed
to talk! . The Pope agreed.
The day of the great debate came.
Harbinder Singh and the Pope sat opposite each other for a
full minute before the Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers.
Harbinder looked back at him and raised one finger.
The Pope waved his fingersin a circle around his head.
Harbinder pointed to the ground where he sat.
The Pope pulled out a wafer and a glass of wine. Harbinder pulled out an apple.
The Pope stood up and said, "I give up. This man is too good.
The Sikhs can stay."
An hour later, the cardinals were all around the Pope asking
him what had happened.
The Pope said, "First I held up three fingers to represent the
holy trinity.
He responded by holding up one finger to remind
me that there was still one God common to both our religions."
"Then I waved my finger around me to show him that God was all around us.
He responded by pointing to the ground and showing that God was also right here with us.
I pulled out the wine and wafer to show that God absolves us from our sins.
He pulled out an apple to remind me of original sin.
He had an answer for everything. What could I do?"
Meanwhile, the Sikh community had crowded around Harbinder Singh.
What happened?" they asked. "Well," said Harbinder,
"First he said to me that the Sikhs had three days to get out of here.
I told him f *@ k off and not one of us was leaving."
"Then he told me that this whole city would be cleared of Sikhs.
I let him know! that we were staying right here."
"Yes, yes, ...and then???" asked the crowd.
"I don't know",said Harbinder,
"He took out his lunch, and I took out mine!!!"
Chemistry?
ELEMENT: Women
SYMBOL: Wo
DISCOVERER: Adam
ATOMIC MASS: Accepted at 53.6 kg, but known to vary from 40-200 kg
OCCURRENCES: Copious quantities in all urban areas
PHYSICAL PROPERTIES:
1. Surface usually covered in painted film
2. Boils at nothing; freezes w/o known reason
3. Melts if given special treatment
4. Bitter if incorrectly used
5. Found in various states from virgin metal to common ore
6. Yields if pressure applied in correct places
CHEMICAL PROPERTIES:
1. Has great affinity for gold, silver, and a range of precious stones
2. Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances
3. May explode spontaneously w/o prior warning and for no apparent reason
4. Insoluble in liquids, but actively increases greatly in saturation of alcohol
5. Most powerful money reducing agent known to man
COMMON USES:
1. Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars
2. Can be a great aid to relaxation
3. Very effective cleaning agent
TESTS:
1. Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered in the natural state
2. Turns green when placed beside a better specimen
HAZARDS:
1. Highly dangerous except in experienced hands
2. Illegal to possess more than one, although several can be maintained at different locations as long as specimens do not come into direct contact with each other
SYMBOL: Wo
DISCOVERER: Adam
ATOMIC MASS: Accepted at 53.6 kg, but known to vary from 40-200 kg
OCCURRENCES: Copious quantities in all urban areas
PHYSICAL PROPERTIES:
1. Surface usually covered in painted film
2. Boils at nothing; freezes w/o known reason
3. Melts if given special treatment
4. Bitter if incorrectly used
5. Found in various states from virgin metal to common ore
6. Yields if pressure applied in correct places
CHEMICAL PROPERTIES:
1. Has great affinity for gold, silver, and a range of precious stones
2. Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances
3. May explode spontaneously w/o prior warning and for no apparent reason
4. Insoluble in liquids, but actively increases greatly in saturation of alcohol
5. Most powerful money reducing agent known to man
COMMON USES:
1. Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars
2. Can be a great aid to relaxation
3. Very effective cleaning agent
TESTS:
1. Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered in the natural state
2. Turns green when placed beside a better specimen
HAZARDS:
1. Highly dangerous except in experienced hands
2. Illegal to possess more than one, although several can be maintained at different locations as long as specimens do not come into direct contact with each other
WTF?
THE PERFECT DAY - FOR HER
8.15 Wake up to hugs and kisses.
8.30 Weigh in 2Kg lighter than yesterday.
8.45 Breakfast in bed, freshly squeezed orange juice and croissants - open presents - expensive jewellery chosen by thoughtful partner.
9.15 Soothing hot bath with frangipani bath oil.
10.00 Light work out at club with sexy funny personal trainer.
10.30 Facial, manicure, shampoo, condition, blow dry.
12.00 Lunch with best friend at fashionable outdoor cafe.
12.45 Catch sight of partner's ex and notices she has gained 17kg.
1.00 Shopping with friends, unlimited credit.
3.00 Nap.
4.00 Three dozen roses delivered by florist, card is from secret admirer.
4.15 Light work out at club, followed by massage from strong but gentle hunk, who says he rarely gets to work on such a perfect body.
5.30 Choose outfit from expensive designer wardrobe, parade before full length mirror.
7.30 Candle lit dinner for two followed by dancing, with compliments received from other diners/dancers.
10.00 Hot shower (alone).
10:50 Carried to bed . . . (freshly ironed, crisp, new, white linen).
11.00 Pillow talk, light touching and cuddling.
11.15 Fall asleep in his big strong arms.
THE PERFECT DAY - FOR HIM
6.00 Alarm.
6.15 Blow job.
6.30 Massive satisfying shit while reading the sports section.
7.00 Breakfast: rump steak and eggs, coffee and toast, all cooked by naked, buxom wench who bends over a lot showing her growler
7.30 Limo arrives.
7.45 Several Beers en-route to airport.
9.15 Flight in personal Lear Jet.
9.30 Limo to Mirage Resort Golf Club (blow job en-route).
9.45 Play front nine - 2 under.
11.45 Lunch - Pie, chips and gravy, 3 lagers and a bottle of Dom Perignon.
12.15 Blow job.
12.30 Play back nine - 4 under.
2.15 Limo back to the airport (Several Bourbons).
2.30 Fly to Cairns.
3.30 Late afternoon fishing excursion with all female crew, all nude who also bend over a lot displaying growlers.
4.30 Land world record Marlin (1234lbs) - on light tackle.
5.00 Fly home, massage and hand job by naked Elle McPherson bending over.. naturally).
6.45 Shit, Shower and Shave.
7.00 Watch news: Michael Jackson assassinated; cannabis legalised.
7.30 Dinner: lobster appetisers, Dom Perignon (1953), big juicy fillet steak followed by Ice-cream served on a big pair of tits.
9.00 Napoleon Brandy and Habanos cigar in front of wall-size TV as you watch match of the day; Boks beating Oz by 30 points
9.30 Sex with three women (all with lesbian tendencies... some bending over)
11.00 Massage and Jacuzzi with tasty pizza snacks and a cleansing ale.
11.30 A night cap blow job.
11.45 In bed alone.
11.50 A 22 second fart which changes note 4 times and forces the dog to leave the room
11.51 Laugh yourself to sleep
8.15 Wake up to hugs and kisses.
8.30 Weigh in 2Kg lighter than yesterday.
8.45 Breakfast in bed, freshly squeezed orange juice and croissants - open presents - expensive jewellery chosen by thoughtful partner.
9.15 Soothing hot bath with frangipani bath oil.
10.00 Light work out at club with sexy funny personal trainer.
10.30 Facial, manicure, shampoo, condition, blow dry.
12.00 Lunch with best friend at fashionable outdoor cafe.
12.45 Catch sight of partner's ex and notices she has gained 17kg.
1.00 Shopping with friends, unlimited credit.
3.00 Nap.
4.00 Three dozen roses delivered by florist, card is from secret admirer.
4.15 Light work out at club, followed by massage from strong but gentle hunk, who says he rarely gets to work on such a perfect body.
5.30 Choose outfit from expensive designer wardrobe, parade before full length mirror.
7.30 Candle lit dinner for two followed by dancing, with compliments received from other diners/dancers.
10.00 Hot shower (alone).
10:50 Carried to bed . . . (freshly ironed, crisp, new, white linen).
11.00 Pillow talk, light touching and cuddling.
11.15 Fall asleep in his big strong arms.
THE PERFECT DAY - FOR HIM
6.00 Alarm.
6.15 Blow job.
6.30 Massive satisfying shit while reading the sports section.
7.00 Breakfast: rump steak and eggs, coffee and toast, all cooked by naked, buxom wench who bends over a lot showing her growler
7.30 Limo arrives.
7.45 Several Beers en-route to airport.
9.15 Flight in personal Lear Jet.
9.30 Limo to Mirage Resort Golf Club (blow job en-route).
9.45 Play front nine - 2 under.
11.45 Lunch - Pie, chips and gravy, 3 lagers and a bottle of Dom Perignon.
12.15 Blow job.
12.30 Play back nine - 4 under.
2.15 Limo back to the airport (Several Bourbons).
2.30 Fly to Cairns.
3.30 Late afternoon fishing excursion with all female crew, all nude who also bend over a lot displaying growlers.
4.30 Land world record Marlin (1234lbs) - on light tackle.
5.00 Fly home, massage and hand job by naked Elle McPherson bending over.. naturally).
6.45 Shit, Shower and Shave.
7.00 Watch news: Michael Jackson assassinated; cannabis legalised.
7.30 Dinner: lobster appetisers, Dom Perignon (1953), big juicy fillet steak followed by Ice-cream served on a big pair of tits.
9.00 Napoleon Brandy and Habanos cigar in front of wall-size TV as you watch match of the day; Boks beating Oz by 30 points
9.30 Sex with three women (all with lesbian tendencies... some bending over)
11.00 Massage and Jacuzzi with tasty pizza snacks and a cleansing ale.
11.30 A night cap blow job.
11.45 In bed alone.
11.50 A 22 second fart which changes note 4 times and forces the dog to leave the room
11.51 Laugh yourself to sleep
10 ways to be a better couple
How To Be A Better Couple
10 steps to enjoying each other better...
1. Be realistic about each other.
Don't try to turn ur partner into something he or she is not. Let's face it, guys-there's only 1 Pamela Anderson in the world, and even she has had her implants removed! Give ur gal a break and understand that her physical appearance is NOT going to change overnite with the help of a few facials ! or treat ments. And ladies, Brad Pitt has already been taken, so u're gonna have to do with what ur guy is like! Chill out, love each other for what u are. There is more to ur partner than what meets the eye.
2. Always talk things out.
Now guys, I know this is not ur fave pastime or mode of resolving issues, but u know what? This works with the gals. Don't make assumptions about each other's feelings. Learn to xpress urself better so that ur partner undrstands what u're angry about, or hurt about, or even happy about! When u stop talking to each other from the heart, it's the beginning of the end.
3. Do stuff together.
Make an effort to do things together. Do some sports or involve urselves in some shared activities; something both of u enjoy or are interested in. It could be as simple as watching movies together, or jus strolling hand-in-hand down Orchard Road. Watch soccor with him once in a while though the green patch on TV puts u to sleep in 3 seconds. And guys, do give in if ur gal asks for another day at window-shopping, rather than suggest that she go out with her girlfriends for "that sort of activities" instead. If u're spending more time with ur friends rather than with ur partner, it's a warning sign that u're drifting apart!!!
4. Meet each other halfway.
If he agrees to throw out that rotten T-shirt with the "The_Rock" print, u shouldn't kick up much of a fuss if he asks u to keep ur room tidy. There's gotta be a little giving and taking in a relationship, so learn to meet each other halfway.
5.Show ur love
Buy her flowers or candy or perfume everynow and then, even if u have been together for 5years. It's wonderful to continue showing someone that u care for him or her. Cook him a special meal, paint him a Valentine's Day card. Knit him mini-socks he can't wear ( like for decoration purposes => ), buy him a packet of milk for breakfast, or pack his wardrobe for him...so he knows u can still be romantic and loving despite having been together for quite a while.
6. Respect each other.
Stop making jokes about her hair or skin, or whatever it is u love to laugh at. Ask urself if she thinks if its funny. And if he has an inferiority complex about his height, stop ogling at tall guys and make him feel worse! Love is about respecting each other's feelings and being sensitive to each other at all times.
7. Bury the past.
Stop bringing up the past. Gals..don't bring up the happy things about u and ur ex to ur guy, it would jus make him jealous or unhappy. And guys, don't talk about the happy times that u had with ur ex or mention about her in ur every other sentence as it would make ur gal feel un-happy and she might think that u saying all this b'cos u are gonna get back with ur ex or not interested in her anymore.< /P>
8. Sit on ur jealousy.
All of us go thru' spells of insecurity at the beginning of the relationship, but don't translate that insecurity into jealousy. If u're gonna go through ur partner's mail and cupboard, and eavesdropping on conversations, u know something is wrong - with u!!! Jealousy is like a poison that slowly spreads thru' the relationship before finally killing it. Trust ur partner; love has to have trust in it.
9. Keep ur commitments to each other.
If ur partner is standing u up all the time and cancelling dates and breaking promises, u need to talk! If u're in a relationship, make ur partner ur priority and don't disappoint them if u can help it. It's really terrible when someone promises to take u to dinner, and then calls to cancel it. Don't make promises u can't keep. If ur partner starts to feel that he/she is not important enough to u, u may jus lose him/her.
10. Be honest.
Honesty is not scowling at how awful she looks first thing in the morning, or telling him that he has the biceps of a fly~! When we say "be honest", we mean expressing ur feelings clearly, not being bitingly cruel. When u're hurt, say so, and when u're angry, tell him/her, w/o getting hysterical. If u can't be honest with ur partner, who can u be honest with? f Love is also about honesty, and a relationship where no honesty exists probabl! y isn't worth it!
10 steps to enjoying each other better...
1. Be realistic about each other.
Don't try to turn ur partner into something he or she is not. Let's face it, guys-there's only 1 Pamela Anderson in the world, and even she has had her implants removed! Give ur gal a break and understand that her physical appearance is NOT going to change overnite with the help of a few facials ! or treat ments. And ladies, Brad Pitt has already been taken, so u're gonna have to do with what ur guy is like! Chill out, love each other for what u are. There is more to ur partner than what meets the eye.
2. Always talk things out.
Now guys, I know this is not ur fave pastime or mode of resolving issues, but u know what? This works with the gals. Don't make assumptions about each other's feelings. Learn to xpress urself better so that ur partner undrstands what u're angry about, or hurt about, or even happy about! When u stop talking to each other from the heart, it's the beginning of the end.
3. Do stuff together.
Make an effort to do things together. Do some sports or involve urselves in some shared activities; something both of u enjoy or are interested in. It could be as simple as watching movies together, or jus strolling hand-in-hand down Orchard Road. Watch soccor with him once in a while though the green patch on TV puts u to sleep in 3 seconds. And guys, do give in if ur gal asks for another day at window-shopping, rather than suggest that she go out with her girlfriends for "that sort of activities" instead. If u're spending more time with ur friends rather than with ur partner, it's a warning sign that u're drifting apart!!!
4. Meet each other halfway.
If he agrees to throw out that rotten T-shirt with the "The_Rock" print, u shouldn't kick up much of a fuss if he asks u to keep ur room tidy. There's gotta be a little giving and taking in a relationship, so learn to meet each other halfway.
5.Show ur love
Buy her flowers or candy or perfume everynow and then, even if u have been together for 5years. It's wonderful to continue showing someone that u care for him or her. Cook him a special meal, paint him a Valentine's Day card. Knit him mini-socks he can't wear ( like for decoration purposes => ), buy him a packet of milk for breakfast, or pack his wardrobe for him...so he knows u can still be romantic and loving despite having been together for quite a while.
6. Respect each other.
Stop making jokes about her hair or skin, or whatever it is u love to laugh at. Ask urself if she thinks if its funny. And if he has an inferiority complex about his height, stop ogling at tall guys and make him feel worse! Love is about respecting each other's feelings and being sensitive to each other at all times.
7. Bury the past.
Stop bringing up the past. Gals..don't bring up the happy things about u and ur ex to ur guy, it would jus make him jealous or unhappy. And guys, don't talk about the happy times that u had with ur ex or mention about her in ur every other sentence as it would make ur gal feel un-happy and she might think that u saying all this b'cos u are gonna get back with ur ex or not interested in her anymore.< /P>
8. Sit on ur jealousy.
All of us go thru' spells of insecurity at the beginning of the relationship, but don't translate that insecurity into jealousy. If u're gonna go through ur partner's mail and cupboard, and eavesdropping on conversations, u know something is wrong - with u!!! Jealousy is like a poison that slowly spreads thru' the relationship before finally killing it. Trust ur partner; love has to have trust in it.
9. Keep ur commitments to each other.
If ur partner is standing u up all the time and cancelling dates and breaking promises, u need to talk! If u're in a relationship, make ur partner ur priority and don't disappoint them if u can help it. It's really terrible when someone promises to take u to dinner, and then calls to cancel it. Don't make promises u can't keep. If ur partner starts to feel that he/she is not important enough to u, u may jus lose him/her.
10. Be honest.
Honesty is not scowling at how awful she looks first thing in the morning, or telling him that he has the biceps of a fly~! When we say "be honest", we mean expressing ur feelings clearly, not being bitingly cruel. When u're hurt, say so, and when u're angry, tell him/her, w/o getting hysterical. If u can't be honest with ur partner, who can u be honest with? f Love is also about honesty, and a relationship where no honesty exists probabl! y isn't worth it!
A Message to all
Have you ever wondered which hurts the most?
Saying something and wishing you hadn't?
or saying nothing and wishing you had?
I guess the most important things are the hardest things to say.
Don't be afraid to tell someone you love them. If you do, they might
break your heart...if you don't, you might break theirs.
Have u ever decided not to become a couple because
you were so afraid of losing what you already had with that person?
Your heart decides whom it likes and whom it doesn't.
You can't tell your heart what to do.
It does it on its own.... when you least suspect it,
or even when you don't want it to.
Have you ever wanted to love someone with everything you had,
but that other perso n was too afraid to let you?
Too many of us stay walled up because we are too afraid to care too much...
for fear that the other person does not care as much, or even at all.
Have you ever denied your feelings for someone because your fear of rejection was too hard to handle?
We tell lies when we are afraid...
afraid of what we don't know,
afraid of what others will think,
afraid of what will be found out about us.
But every time we tell a lie, the thing we fear grows stronger.
Life is all about risks and it requires you to jump.
Don't be a person who has to look back and wonder what they would have done,
or could have had.
*What would you do if every time you fell in love you had to say
good-bye?
*What would you do if every time you wanted someone they would never be there?
*What would you do if your best friend died tomorrow and you
never got to tell them how you felt?
(even if it is that you don't care anymore)
*What would you do if you loved someone
more than ever and you couldn't have them?
*What would you do if you never got the chance to say I am friends with all of my family and they know I love them?
People live, but people die.
And I want to tell you that you are a friend.
If you died tomorrow (God Forbid), you would be in my heart.
Would I be in yours?
We might be best friends one year,
pretty good friends the next year,
don't talk that often the next,
and don't want to talk at all the year after that.
So, I just wanted to say,
even if I never talk to you again in my life,
you are special to me and
you have made a difference in my life,
I look up to you,
respect you, and
truly cherish you.
Let old friends know you
haven't forgotten them,
and tell new friends you
never will.
Remember, every one needs a friend,
someday you might feel like you have
NO FRIENDS at all,
just remember this
and take comfort in knowing
somebody out there cares about you
and always will.
I LOVE YOU!!!!
Saying something and wishing you hadn't?
or saying nothing and wishing you had?
I guess the most important things are the hardest things to say.
Don't be afraid to tell someone you love them. If you do, they might
break your heart...if you don't, you might break theirs.
Have u ever decided not to become a couple because
you were so afraid of losing what you already had with that person?
Your heart decides whom it likes and whom it doesn't.
You can't tell your heart what to do.
It does it on its own.... when you least suspect it,
or even when you don't want it to.
Have you ever wanted to love someone with everything you had,
but that other perso n was too afraid to let you?
Too many of us stay walled up because we are too afraid to care too much...
for fear that the other person does not care as much, or even at all.
Have you ever denied your feelings for someone because your fear of rejection was too hard to handle?
We tell lies when we are afraid...
afraid of what we don't know,
afraid of what others will think,
afraid of what will be found out about us.
But every time we tell a lie, the thing we fear grows stronger.
Life is all about risks and it requires you to jump.
Don't be a person who has to look back and wonder what they would have done,
or could have had.
*What would you do if every time you fell in love you had to say
good-bye?
*What would you do if every time you wanted someone they would never be there?
*What would you do if your best friend died tomorrow and you
never got to tell them how you felt?
(even if it is that you don't care anymore)
*What would you do if you loved someone
more than ever and you couldn't have them?
*What would you do if you never got the chance to say I am friends with all of my family and they know I love them?
People live, but people die.
And I want to tell you that you are a friend.
If you died tomorrow (God Forbid), you would be in my heart.
Would I be in yours?
We might be best friends one year,
pretty good friends the next year,
don't talk that often the next,
and don't want to talk at all the year after that.
So, I just wanted to say,
even if I never talk to you again in my life,
you are special to me and
you have made a difference in my life,
I look up to you,
respect you, and
truly cherish you.
Let old friends know you
haven't forgotten them,
and tell new friends you
never will.
Remember, every one needs a friend,
someday you might feel like you have
NO FRIENDS at all,
just remember this
and take comfort in knowing
somebody out there cares about you
and always will.
I LOVE YOU!!!!
An Answer
The Bible says to have an answer for why you believe, to those who ask you. This is a good example of an answer to one of the most common reasons people give for ignoring God and His goodness.
A man went to a barbershop to have his hair cut and his beard trimmed. As the barber began to work, they began to have a good conversation. They talked about so many things and various subjects.
When they eventually touched on the subject of God, the barber said: "I don't believe that God exists."
Why do you say that?" asked the customer.
"Well, you just have to go out in the street to realize that God doesn't exist. Tell me, if God exists, would there be so many sick people? Would there be abandoned children? If God existed, there would be neither suffering nor pain. I can't imagine a loving God who would allow all of these things."
The customer thought for a moment, but didn't respond because he didn't want to start an argument. The barber finished his job and the customer left the shop. Just after he left the barbershop, he saw a man in the street with long, stringy, dirty hair and an untrimmed beard. He looked dirty and unkempt. The customer turned back and entered the barber shop again and he said to the barber: "You know what? Barbers do not exist."
"How can you say that?" asked the surprised barber. "I am here, and I am a barber. And I just worked on you!"
"No!" the customer exclaimed. "Barbers don't exist because if they did, there would be no people with dirty long hair and untrimmed beards, like that man outside."
Ah, but barbers DO exist! What happens is people do not come to me."
”Exactly!" affirmed the customer. "That's the point! God, too, DOES exist! What happens is people don't go to Him and do not look for Him. That's why there's so much pain and suffering in the world."
A man went to a barbershop to have his hair cut and his beard trimmed. As the barber began to work, they began to have a good conversation. They talked about so many things and various subjects.
When they eventually touched on the subject of God, the barber said: "I don't believe that God exists."
Why do you say that?" asked the customer.
"Well, you just have to go out in the street to realize that God doesn't exist. Tell me, if God exists, would there be so many sick people? Would there be abandoned children? If God existed, there would be neither suffering nor pain. I can't imagine a loving God who would allow all of these things."
The customer thought for a moment, but didn't respond because he didn't want to start an argument. The barber finished his job and the customer left the shop. Just after he left the barbershop, he saw a man in the street with long, stringy, dirty hair and an untrimmed beard. He looked dirty and unkempt. The customer turned back and entered the barber shop again and he said to the barber: "You know what? Barbers do not exist."
"How can you say that?" asked the surprised barber. "I am here, and I am a barber. And I just worked on you!"
"No!" the customer exclaimed. "Barbers don't exist because if they did, there would be no people with dirty long hair and untrimmed beards, like that man outside."
Ah, but barbers DO exist! What happens is people do not come to me."
”Exactly!" affirmed the customer. "That's the point! God, too, DOES exist! What happens is people don't go to Him and do not look for Him. That's why there's so much pain and suffering in the world."
Do u know how blessed r u?
If you woke up this morning
with more health than illness,
you are more blessed than the
million who won't survive the week.
If you have never experienced
the danger of battle,
the loneliness of imprisonment,
the agony of torture or
the pang s of starvation,
you are ahead of 20 million people
around the world.
If you attend a church meeting
without fear of harassment,
arrest, torture, or death,
you are more blessed than almost
three billion people in the world.
If you have food in your refrigerator,
clothes on your back,a roof over
your head and a place to sleep,
you are richer than 75% of this world.
If you have money in the bank,
in your wallet, and spare change
in a dish someplace, you are among
the top 8% of the world's wealthy.
If your parents are still married and alive,
you are very rare,
especially in the United States.
If you hold up your head with a smile
on your face and are truly thankful,
you are blessed because the majority can,
but most do not.
If you can hold someone's hand, hug them
or even touch them on the shoulder,
you are blessed because you can
offer God's healing touch.
If you can read this message,
you are more blessed than over
two billion people in the world
that cannot read anything at all.
You are so blessed in ways
you may never even know....
with more health than illness,
you are more blessed than the
million who won't survive the week.
If you have never experienced
the danger of battle,
the loneliness of imprisonment,
the agony of torture or
the pang s of starvation,
you are ahead of 20 million people
around the world.
If you attend a church meeting
without fear of harassment,
arrest, torture, or death,
you are more blessed than almost
three billion people in the world.
If you have food in your refrigerator,
clothes on your back,a roof over
your head and a place to sleep,
you are richer than 75% of this world.
If you have money in the bank,
in your wallet, and spare change
in a dish someplace, you are among
the top 8% of the world's wealthy.
If your parents are still married and alive,
you are very rare,
especially in the United States.
If you hold up your head with a smile
on your face and are truly thankful,
you are blessed because the majority can,
but most do not.
If you can hold someone's hand, hug them
or even touch them on the shoulder,
you are blessed because you can
offer God's healing touch.
If you can read this message,
you are more blessed than over
two billion people in the world
that cannot read anything at all.
You are so blessed in ways
you may never even know....
A baby's Hug
We were the only family with children in the restaurant.
I sat Erik in a high chair and noticed everyone was quietly eating and
talking. Suddenly, Erik squealed with glee and said, "Hi there." He pounded
his fat baby hands on the highchair tray. His eyes were crinkled in
laughter and his mouth was bared in a toothless grin, as he wriggled and
giggled with merriment.
I looked around and saw the source of his merriment. It was a man whose
pants were baggy with a zipper at half-mast and his toes poked out of
would-be shoes. His shirt was dirty and his hair was uncombed and unwashed.
His whiskers were too short to be called a beard and his nose was so
varicose it looked like a road map. We were too far from him to smell, but
I was sure he smelled. His hands waved and flapped on loose wrists.
"Hi there, baby; Hi there, big boy. I see ya, buster," the man said to Erik.
My husband and I exchanged looks, "What do we do?" Erik continued to laugh
and answer, "Hi, hi there." Everyone in the restaurant noticed and looked
at us and then at the man. The old geezer was creating a nuisance with my
beautiful baby!
Our meal came and the man began shouting from across the room, "Do ya patty
cake? Do you know peek-a-boo? Hey, look, he knows peek-a-boo!"
Nobody thought the old man was cute. He was obviously drunk. My husband and
I were embarrassed. We ate in silence; all except for Erik, who was running
through his repertoire for the admiring skidrow bum, who in turn,
reciprocated with his cute comments. We finally got through the meal and
headed for the door. My husband went to pay the check and told me to meet
him in the parking lot.
The old man sat poised between me and the door. "Lord, just let me out of
here before he speaks to me or Erik," I prayed. As I drew closer to the
man, I turned my back trying to sidestep him and avoid any air he might be
breathing. As I did, Erik leaned over my arm, reaching with both arms in a
baby's "pick-me-up" position. Before I could stop him, Erik had propelled
himself from my arms to the man's!
Suddenly a very old smelly man and a very young baby consummated their love
relationship. Erik in an act of total trust, love, and submission laid his
tiny head upon the man's ragged shoulder. The man's eyes closed, and I saw
tears hover beneath his lashes. His aged hands full of grime, pain, and
hard labor, cradled my baby's bottom and stroked his back. No two beings
have ever loved so deeply for so short a time. I stood awestruck.
The old man rocked and cradled Erik in his arms and his eyes opened and set
squarely on mine. He said in a firm commanding voice, "You take care of
this baby..."
Somehow I managed, "I will," from a throat that contained a stone. He pried
Erik from his chest unwillingly, longingly, as though he were in pain. I
received my baby, and the man said, "God bless you, ma'am, you've given me
my Christmas gift." I said nothing more than a muttered thanks.
With Erik in my arms, I ran for the car. My husband was wondering why I was
crying and holding Erik so tightly, and why I was saying, "My God, my God,
forgive me." I had just witnessed Christ's love shown through the innocence
of a tiny child who saw no sin, who made no judgment; a child who saw a
soul, ... and a mother who saw a suit of clothes.
I am a Christian who was blind, holding a child who was not. I felt it was
God asking, "Are you willing to share your son for a moment?" when He
shared His for all eternity. The ragged old man, unwittingly, had reminded
me, "...unless you change and become like little children, you will not
enter the kingdom of God." (Matthew 18:3)
If this has blessed you, please bless others by sending it on.
"You can tell the true character of a man by the way he treats someone who
can do absolutely nothing for him"
I sat Erik in a high chair and noticed everyone was quietly eating and
talking. Suddenly, Erik squealed with glee and said, "Hi there." He pounded
his fat baby hands on the highchair tray. His eyes were crinkled in
laughter and his mouth was bared in a toothless grin, as he wriggled and
giggled with merriment.
I looked around and saw the source of his merriment. It was a man whose
pants were baggy with a zipper at half-mast and his toes poked out of
would-be shoes. His shirt was dirty and his hair was uncombed and unwashed.
His whiskers were too short to be called a beard and his nose was so
varicose it looked like a road map. We were too far from him to smell, but
I was sure he smelled. His hands waved and flapped on loose wrists.
"Hi there, baby; Hi there, big boy. I see ya, buster," the man said to Erik.
My husband and I exchanged looks, "What do we do?" Erik continued to laugh
and answer, "Hi, hi there." Everyone in the restaurant noticed and looked
at us and then at the man. The old geezer was creating a nuisance with my
beautiful baby!
Our meal came and the man began shouting from across the room, "Do ya patty
cake? Do you know peek-a-boo? Hey, look, he knows peek-a-boo!"
Nobody thought the old man was cute. He was obviously drunk. My husband and
I were embarrassed. We ate in silence; all except for Erik, who was running
through his repertoire for the admiring skidrow bum, who in turn,
reciprocated with his cute comments. We finally got through the meal and
headed for the door. My husband went to pay the check and told me to meet
him in the parking lot.
The old man sat poised between me and the door. "Lord, just let me out of
here before he speaks to me or Erik," I prayed. As I drew closer to the
man, I turned my back trying to sidestep him and avoid any air he might be
breathing. As I did, Erik leaned over my arm, reaching with both arms in a
baby's "pick-me-up" position. Before I could stop him, Erik had propelled
himself from my arms to the man's!
Suddenly a very old smelly man and a very young baby consummated their love
relationship. Erik in an act of total trust, love, and submission laid his
tiny head upon the man's ragged shoulder. The man's eyes closed, and I saw
tears hover beneath his lashes. His aged hands full of grime, pain, and
hard labor, cradled my baby's bottom and stroked his back. No two beings
have ever loved so deeply for so short a time. I stood awestruck.
The old man rocked and cradled Erik in his arms and his eyes opened and set
squarely on mine. He said in a firm commanding voice, "You take care of
this baby..."
Somehow I managed, "I will," from a throat that contained a stone. He pried
Erik from his chest unwillingly, longingly, as though he were in pain. I
received my baby, and the man said, "God bless you, ma'am, you've given me
my Christmas gift." I said nothing more than a muttered thanks.
With Erik in my arms, I ran for the car. My husband was wondering why I was
crying and holding Erik so tightly, and why I was saying, "My God, my God,
forgive me." I had just witnessed Christ's love shown through the innocence
of a tiny child who saw no sin, who made no judgment; a child who saw a
soul, ... and a mother who saw a suit of clothes.
I am a Christian who was blind, holding a child who was not. I felt it was
God asking, "Are you willing to share your son for a moment?" when He
shared His for all eternity. The ragged old man, unwittingly, had reminded
me, "...unless you change and become like little children, you will not
enter the kingdom of God." (Matthew 18:3)
If this has blessed you, please bless others by sending it on.
"You can tell the true character of a man by the way he treats someone who
can do absolutely nothing for him"
The test...
My Girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided
to get married.
My parents helped us in every way. My friends encouraged me. And my
girlfriend? She was a dream!
There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed. That one
thing was her younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty
years of age, wore tight mini skirts, and low cut blouses. She would
regularly bend down when near me and I got many a pleasant view of
her.
It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else.
One day little sister called and asked me to come over to check the
wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me
that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me
that she couldn't overcome and didn't really want to overcome.
She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got
married and committed my li fe to her sister. I was in total shock and
couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and
if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me."
I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs.
When she reached the top she pulled down her panties and threw them
down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, still stunned.
With my decision made, I turned and went straight to the front door. I
rushed out of the house towards my parked car as fast as possible.
Another shock came ... My future father-in-law was standing outside.
With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said, "We are very happy that
you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for better man for
our daughter. Welcome to the family."
The moral of this story is:-
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Always keep your condoms in your car!
to get married.
My parents helped us in every way. My friends encouraged me. And my
girlfriend? She was a dream!
There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed. That one
thing was her younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty
years of age, wore tight mini skirts, and low cut blouses. She would
regularly bend down when near me and I got many a pleasant view of
her.
It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else.
One day little sister called and asked me to come over to check the
wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me
that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me
that she couldn't overcome and didn't really want to overcome.
She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got
married and committed my li fe to her sister. I was in total shock and
couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and
if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me."
I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs.
When she reached the top she pulled down her panties and threw them
down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, still stunned.
With my decision made, I turned and went straight to the front door. I
rushed out of the house towards my parked car as fast as possible.
Another shock came ... My future father-in-law was standing outside.
With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said, "We are very happy that
you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for better man for
our daughter. Welcome to the family."
The moral of this story is:-
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Always keep your condoms in your car!
True True...
Love the girl in your heart, not in your mind. If you base your relationship on feelings, it will fail for there are ups & downs in feelings.
Girls are there to be loved, not toyed around. Love her for who she is. She's special & she will stay that way. Don't substitute her for anyone else, they are just unique in their own ways.
Love her whole-heartedly. She sacrificed a lot for you so you'd better really treasure her. She could have just got up & date so much more dashing guy in town but she chose you instead all because of love. So love her, not play with her. If you're with her, love her. Don't cause a strain in the relationship, you'll end up loving each other out of pity or charity, that's not respecting love at all. Respect love the way it is & everything will be the best it can be. I've been there & I know how it feels.
Like another girl while you're in a relationship? Then I think it's time you remain single for a while. Don't go around breaking girls' hearts, it's the most tragic thing to do. Tell the truth, never hide anything from her. If you want her to tell you everything, do the same. Don't go calling other girls "honey" or "darling", how would it feel if your girl calls other guys the same way? Be faithful, enough is enough. Get it over when she's already yours, don't ask for more. It never kills to be romantic.
Think, be flexible. Getting that diamond ring isn't the only gift for her. Be realistic, she's human & she lives life just like you. Something sweet & simple always get the job done. Money doesn't exist between couples, it's the love. Never promise her that you'll love her forever because your forever might end the next day. Love her as if each day is the last.
Remember, INSECURITY. Promise her & make sure you never break it. Loving her is giving her your heart to break it but trusting her not to. Instead, she'll cherish it & protect it. That's love. Winning a girl's heart isn't the final victory. Don't leave her once you've won her love. It her heart that you've broken, how would you ever know how she feels? She chose you because she believes that you can fulfil your promise. Win her heart & love her over. Remember, the girl isn't a trophy for display, she's someone to love, not to show off to your "friends". Stay humble yet proud that she's the one for you. Respect her for the way she is never mistreat her, never even think of toying with her...
Girls are there to be loved, not toyed around. Love her for who she is. She's special & she will stay that way. Don't substitute her for anyone else, they are just unique in their own ways.
Love her whole-heartedly. She sacrificed a lot for you so you'd better really treasure her. She could have just got up & date so much more dashing guy in town but she chose you instead all because of love. So love her, not play with her. If you're with her, love her. Don't cause a strain in the relationship, you'll end up loving each other out of pity or charity, that's not respecting love at all. Respect love the way it is & everything will be the best it can be. I've been there & I know how it feels.
Like another girl while you're in a relationship? Then I think it's time you remain single for a while. Don't go around breaking girls' hearts, it's the most tragic thing to do. Tell the truth, never hide anything from her. If you want her to tell you everything, do the same. Don't go calling other girls "honey" or "darling", how would it feel if your girl calls other guys the same way? Be faithful, enough is enough. Get it over when she's already yours, don't ask for more. It never kills to be romantic.
Think, be flexible. Getting that diamond ring isn't the only gift for her. Be realistic, she's human & she lives life just like you. Something sweet & simple always get the job done. Money doesn't exist between couples, it's the love. Never promise her that you'll love her forever because your forever might end the next day. Love her as if each day is the last.
Remember, INSECURITY. Promise her & make sure you never break it. Loving her is giving her your heart to break it but trusting her not to. Instead, she'll cherish it & protect it. That's love. Winning a girl's heart isn't the final victory. Don't leave her once you've won her love. It her heart that you've broken, how would you ever know how she feels? She chose you because she believes that you can fulfil your promise. Win her heart & love her over. Remember, the girl isn't a trophy for display, she's someone to love, not to show off to your "friends". Stay humble yet proud that she's the one for you. Respect her for the way she is never mistreat her, never even think of toying with her...
Wednesday, February 16, 2005
At Work now? Psycho...
As crazy as i am, i'm still awake at this hour, in camp, on duty. Having slept a while just now, i'm as awake as a damn bat.(wait a minute, bats are blind right?) anyways, not to digress, here is the current playlist of songs that i'm currently listening to...
Noots - Sum 41
These Words - Natasha Beddingfield
Unwritten - Natasha Beddingfield
Tilt Ya Head Back - Nelly / Christina Aguilera
Lala - Ashlee Simpson
The last time - Keane
Somebody Told Me (?) - The Killers
We're All to Blame - Sum 41
Pieces - Sum 41
No Reason - Sum 41
The Bitter End - Sum 41
Still Waiting - Sum 41
88 - Sum 41
Thanks For Nothing - Sum 41
Over My Head - Sum 41
Bleed - Sum 41
Motivation - Sum 41
In Too Deep - Sum 41
Fat Lip - Sum 41
Hell Song - Sum 41
Sugar - System of A Down
I'm Not the One - Sum 41
Its What We're All About - Sum 41
Some Say - Sum 41
Slipping Away - Sum 41
Take Me Out - Franz Ferdinand
Dream On - Aerosmith
Just Push Play - Aerosmith
Higher - Creed
One Last Breath - Creed
Step Up - Drowning Pool
American Idiot - Green Day
Boulevard of Broken Dreams - Green Day
Sweet Child of Mine - Guns & Roses
Same Direction - Hoobastank
Eyes on You - Jay Sean
Dance with You - Jay Sean
Are You Gonna Be My Girl - Jet
Walk This Way - Aerosmith & Run DMC
The Fight Song - Marilyn Manson
Rock is Dead - Marilyn Manson
Burn in My Light - Mercy Drive
Smells Like Teen Spirit - Nirvana
Blurry - Puddle of Mudd
Let Me Entertain You - Robbie Williams
Vertigo - U2
hehe... and as you can probably guess, i'm a fan of rock music. actually to be more specific, i'm a fan of anything that has the possibility of making me go deaf.. nothing beats the feeling of blasting the music and not giving 2 hoots about everything that goes on around you. Maybe that is why i like to stay in camp so much these days.Cuz Ashley is at home so i can't blast the music on at night, but in the office, no sick soul is around except me, so basically i can do anything without offending anybody.... YAYS!!!
Anyways, driving practical lesson again tommorrow... Am only in stage 2... slow man... have to pump in more money and faster get it over and done with... this is taking slower than i thought it would be... well, maybe cuz i always no time... hehe... Oh ya, have to go register for my damn module again so that i can finally finish my long overdue diploma in computer studies. Am already making plans for the next thing i want to study... hehe... Certificate in Ethical Hacking.... Interesting eh? Now the only problem would be cash.....
Valentine's Day was a quiet affair. Basically bought flowers( half a dozen red roses!!) and met corrinne and went for dinner. hung out a while before having to send her home... nice and queit... sounds so unlike me but hey, everybody needs peace and tranqulity once in a while right? hehe...
oh did i mention the incident when i bought the flowers? hehe... damn farny.... well, i went with a male collegue of mine to get the flowers right? and it was a comical sight cuz he was wearing his army uniform and i was like in plain clothes. and from a certain angle, it looked as though either one of us was proposing to each other... hehe.. kinda like a gay couple or something...hehe.. my fren was so freaked out he absolutely refused to stand next to me.... hehehe...
Got a new wallet... 59 bucks for a billabong wallet...finally i decided to spend some money on myself... my biggest flaw is that i love to spend on others but never on myself... personally i feel its better to spend on others... i'm sure no one disagrees right? hehe...
ok enough of crapping, especially not at 323 in the morning..time to get some sleep if not i'll never get up in time to raise the state flag!!!
Oh, and did i mention i so wanna watch Constantine and a whole other shit load of movies?
Nitez All!!!!! Luv yaS!!!
Noots - Sum 41
These Words - Natasha Beddingfield
Unwritten - Natasha Beddingfield
Tilt Ya Head Back - Nelly / Christina Aguilera
Lala - Ashlee Simpson
The last time - Keane
Somebody Told Me (?) - The Killers
We're All to Blame - Sum 41
Pieces - Sum 41
No Reason - Sum 41
The Bitter End - Sum 41
Still Waiting - Sum 41
88 - Sum 41
Thanks For Nothing - Sum 41
Over My Head - Sum 41
Bleed - Sum 41
Motivation - Sum 41
In Too Deep - Sum 41
Fat Lip - Sum 41
Hell Song - Sum 41
Sugar - System of A Down
I'm Not the One - Sum 41
Its What We're All About - Sum 41
Some Say - Sum 41
Slipping Away - Sum 41
Take Me Out - Franz Ferdinand
Dream On - Aerosmith
Just Push Play - Aerosmith
Higher - Creed
One Last Breath - Creed
Step Up - Drowning Pool
American Idiot - Green Day
Boulevard of Broken Dreams - Green Day
Sweet Child of Mine - Guns & Roses
Same Direction - Hoobastank
Eyes on You - Jay Sean
Dance with You - Jay Sean
Are You Gonna Be My Girl - Jet
Walk This Way - Aerosmith & Run DMC
The Fight Song - Marilyn Manson
Rock is Dead - Marilyn Manson
Burn in My Light - Mercy Drive
Smells Like Teen Spirit - Nirvana
Blurry - Puddle of Mudd
Let Me Entertain You - Robbie Williams
Vertigo - U2
hehe... and as you can probably guess, i'm a fan of rock music. actually to be more specific, i'm a fan of anything that has the possibility of making me go deaf.. nothing beats the feeling of blasting the music and not giving 2 hoots about everything that goes on around you. Maybe that is why i like to stay in camp so much these days.Cuz Ashley is at home so i can't blast the music on at night, but in the office, no sick soul is around except me, so basically i can do anything without offending anybody.... YAYS!!!
Anyways, driving practical lesson again tommorrow... Am only in stage 2... slow man... have to pump in more money and faster get it over and done with... this is taking slower than i thought it would be... well, maybe cuz i always no time... hehe... Oh ya, have to go register for my damn module again so that i can finally finish my long overdue diploma in computer studies. Am already making plans for the next thing i want to study... hehe... Certificate in Ethical Hacking.... Interesting eh? Now the only problem would be cash.....
Valentine's Day was a quiet affair. Basically bought flowers( half a dozen red roses!!) and met corrinne and went for dinner. hung out a while before having to send her home... nice and queit... sounds so unlike me but hey, everybody needs peace and tranqulity once in a while right? hehe...
oh did i mention the incident when i bought the flowers? hehe... damn farny.... well, i went with a male collegue of mine to get the flowers right? and it was a comical sight cuz he was wearing his army uniform and i was like in plain clothes. and from a certain angle, it looked as though either one of us was proposing to each other... hehe.. kinda like a gay couple or something...hehe.. my fren was so freaked out he absolutely refused to stand next to me.... hehehe...
Got a new wallet... 59 bucks for a billabong wallet...finally i decided to spend some money on myself... my biggest flaw is that i love to spend on others but never on myself... personally i feel its better to spend on others... i'm sure no one disagrees right? hehe...
ok enough of crapping, especially not at 323 in the morning..time to get some sleep if not i'll never get up in time to raise the state flag!!!
Oh, and did i mention i so wanna watch Constantine and a whole other shit load of movies?
Nitez All!!!!! Luv yaS!!!
Monday, February 14, 2005
Wat to get?
Its valentine's day..... only problem is, what to get for corrinne? hmm.... got the card ready but the rest is kinda hazy.... suggestions? (by the time i read this, it might be too late....) hehe..
Wednesday, February 02, 2005
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