:(

Been thinking over these few weeks about what has happened.... Haiz...sums it all up...learning to cope now with the loneliness that creeps up beside me and says hi... Really miss her but there ain't nothing i can do about it... Its something i hav to let go which i understand.. If only.......

Under Her Block

The undermentioned was written under her block on that fateful day....

- The droplets drip slowly down the railings
One by one, little by little.
Its amazing how the trees and their leaves
produce such a fresh aura whenever it rains
Colours seem more vibrant
Sky is densely grey.
The serenditiy of peace is only broken by
The sounds of the roads.
Otherwise, a peaceful sounds befalls all.


- For a man to swallow his pride, shame is an essential.
For with shame affects pride.
Unless thou is shameless, that is when pride is useless.

- The bullet tears through the skin and bones,
Raging towards the heart.
A thump is heard when it strikes.
No amount of words can describe the pain and torture that follows suit.

- To stab a heart hurts
To twist it round even more tortures
To release it kills

- As the cigeratte burns,
So does the heart.
But when the cigeratte is extinguished,
Will the heart too?

- If sleeping was a gift,
The sloth would be a god.

- Physical pain is painful to the flesh.
Mental hurt is painful to the brain.
Emotional hurt destroys both the flesh and brain.

- If to eat is to grow fat,
Then to sleep is to grow lazy.

- How do you hurt one without hurting the other?

Man & Women?

Paul says in 1 Corinthians 11:7 verse 8: "For man was not made from woman, but woman from man. Neither was man created for woman, but woman for man."

and...

Genesis 2:18-25: "Then the Lord God said, 'It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him."

so...

Now the man was prepared to say: "This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman (Hebrew: ishshah) because she was taken out of Man (ish)."

However, Science tells us about the law of biogenesis: "life comes only from life."

So I got one simple rule for you Baby:

(1) Man and Woman are different, so deal with it!

The strength of a man

The strength of a man isn't seen in the width of
his shoulders.
Its seen in the width of his arms that circle
you.

The strength of a man isn't in the deep tone of
his voice.
It is in the gentle words he whispers.

The strength of a man isn't how many buddies he
has.
Its how good a buddy he is with his kids.

The strength of a man isn't in how respected he
is at work.
Its in how respected he is at home.

The strength of a man isn't in how hard he Hits.
Its in how tender he touches.

The strength of a man isn't in the hair on his
chest.
Its in his Heart...that lies within his chest.

The strength of a man isn't how many women he's
Loved.
Its in can he be true to one woman.

The strength of a man isn't in the weight he can
lift.
It is in the burdens he can carry.

Cuts like a knife......

CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE !!!!!!!!
a knife has just cut through my heart, leaving the insides of me bleeding to die... Whether intentional or not, it hurts like hell.. no point asking why.... no point asking for a reason..
As i look back, i realise so many could have prevented this from happening.... its all too late now..
Gone....

me?

I'm just basically a simple yellow guy... hehe...just my
other term for happy-go-lucky...i must also be one of the
world's heavist coffee drinkers cuz can't simply sleep
without it...weird huh???hehe...i'm very simple-minded and
basically just having a friend is all i'm thankful
for...imagine life without them??? Hmmm....sounds a whole
lot quieter...

Another Boring day at work.....

currently at work now..... damn sianz man.... signing on should never have been my cup of tea but alas, put my signature on the wrong bloody piece of paper....wat the hell?

Late at night........

I never imagined myself to be sitting here and writing this....i guess the loneliness of a guy who just became single not too long ago has gotten the better of me.. Can you blame me? Loneliness is the hardest emotion to endure, especially when you are feeling down... No amount of words can console you or change the fact that you are probably the only person in the world who truly loves you...Or not....
'You'll never know what you had till its gone'... As the saying goes, i guess that is really true... So many times i thought i had experienced that... So many times i thought i had experienced so many pains and tortures of emotion. I guess i was so wrong... The last few weeks have past by so fast that it has become a blur.. Just as though as if it were a dream... A very bad dream... No amount of words can describe the confusion in my head at this very moment... Feelings of sadness, loneliness, happiness nad many more, clumped up into a big ball of emotion, plastered onto my head as hough it were a part of me... Suddenly life seems very short and hope seems like a vulgarity...
I just wish that so many things should never had happened. The endless thoughts of these incidents play in and around my head...But never out... Somehow, it has become a shadow of me where ever i go.. The last few years have become a dark part of my life, making me a pale shadow of my former self... Things i never ever thought i would do have been done. And somewhat willingly too... Shame has become a middle name for me...
If i ever do have a chance, i just wanna tell her that i miss her so much... So much it hurts... As though a part of my life has been takn away from me...'No use crying over spilt milk', they all say... True, but how can you stop an emotion as powerful as this? Love conquered you and eventually destroyed your being... Self motivation crumbled to a million pieces.. whatever little portions of dignity left taken over by the cancerous feeling of sadness and guilt... The light at the wnd of the tunnel becomes bleaker and more microscopic than ever... Life's little pleasures buried by emotion.... All that is left is a dark, moody and unwilling corpse, struggling to live life daily, to pick up the pieces he had little by little helped to destroy... Pathetic becomes an understatement...
All is not seen by the naked eye... everyday, he lives his life as though nothing happened... As though it never was a problem to begin with.. The facade put up is just a miserable excuse to tell himself that he has to continue living. No rhyme, no reason... Only one word befits this jester, the poorest man in the world. FUCKED. By himself, the world knows him, the people who love him and the god who plays him.
How do ou conquer a feeling you cannot fight? Its like fighting a losing batttle. Running straight into a brick wall without knowing how to go around it. 'Get over it', they say. 'Fuck it', they say. To me, a runaway success is a failure waiting to happen. You can be the nicest guy around but that is not going to get you anywhere...
If only i were invisible......