Chemistry?

ELEMENT: Women
SYMBOL: Wo
DISCOVERER: Adam
ATOMIC MASS: Accepted at 53.6 kg, but known to vary from 40-200 kg
OCCURRENCES: Copious quantities in all urban areas

PHYSICAL PROPERTIES:
1. Surface usually covered in painted film
2. Boils at nothing; freezes w/o known reason
3. Melts if given special treatment
4. Bitter if incorrectly used
5. Found in various states from virgin metal to common ore
6. Yields if pressure applied in correct places

CHEMICAL PROPERTIES:
1. Has great affinity for gold, silver, and a range of precious stones
2. Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances
3. May explode spontaneously w/o prior warning and for no apparent reason
4. Insoluble in liquids, but actively increases greatly in saturation of alcohol
5. Most powerful money reducing agent known to man

COMMON USES:
1. Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars
2. Can be a great aid to relaxation
3. Very effective cleaning agent

TESTS:
1. Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered in the natural state
2. Turns green when placed beside a better specimen

HAZARDS:
1. Highly dangerous except in experienced hands
2. Illegal to possess more than one, although several can be maintained at different locations as long as specimens do not come into direct contact with each other