Late at night........

I never imagined myself to be sitting here and writing this....i guess the loneliness of a guy who just became single not too long ago has gotten the better of me.. Can you blame me? Loneliness is the hardest emotion to endure, especially when you are feeling down... No amount of words can console you or change the fact that you are probably the only person in the world who truly loves you...Or not....
'You'll never know what you had till its gone'... As the saying goes, i guess that is really true... So many times i thought i had experienced that... So many times i thought i had experienced so many pains and tortures of emotion. I guess i was so wrong... The last few weeks have past by so fast that it has become a blur.. Just as though as if it were a dream... A very bad dream... No amount of words can describe the confusion in my head at this very moment... Feelings of sadness, loneliness, happiness nad many more, clumped up into a big ball of emotion, plastered onto my head as hough it were a part of me... Suddenly life seems very short and hope seems like a vulgarity...
I just wish that so many things should never had happened. The endless thoughts of these incidents play in and around my head...But never out... Somehow, it has become a shadow of me where ever i go.. The last few years have become a dark part of my life, making me a pale shadow of my former self... Things i never ever thought i would do have been done. And somewhat willingly too... Shame has become a middle name for me...
If i ever do have a chance, i just wanna tell her that i miss her so much... So much it hurts... As though a part of my life has been takn away from me...'No use crying over spilt milk', they all say... True, but how can you stop an emotion as powerful as this? Love conquered you and eventually destroyed your being... Self motivation crumbled to a million pieces.. whatever little portions of dignity left taken over by the cancerous feeling of sadness and guilt... The light at the wnd of the tunnel becomes bleaker and more microscopic than ever... Life's little pleasures buried by emotion.... All that is left is a dark, moody and unwilling corpse, struggling to live life daily, to pick up the pieces he had little by little helped to destroy... Pathetic becomes an understatement...
All is not seen by the naked eye... everyday, he lives his life as though nothing happened... As though it never was a problem to begin with.. The facade put up is just a miserable excuse to tell himself that he has to continue living. No rhyme, no reason... Only one word befits this jester, the poorest man in the world. FUCKED. By himself, the world knows him, the people who love him and the god who plays him.
How do ou conquer a feeling you cannot fight? Its like fighting a losing batttle. Running straight into a brick wall without knowing how to go around it. 'Get over it', they say. 'Fuck it', they say. To me, a runaway success is a failure waiting to happen. You can be the nicest guy around but that is not going to get you anywhere...
If only i were invisible......