The age of the life less led by many...

I think age is finally beginning to catch up with me...
All my life, i dun think i've ever things i was suppose to be doing at the age..
take for example, my career choice.. who goes to the door of the government and asks to be enlisted in the army?? At the age of 16, whereby everyone else in the right frame of mind is slogging for thier 'O's, i nicely go into the army and serve my country.. Sounds patriotic?? my ass.. at 18, the whole world is enjoying their youth, going out to partys and getting drunk, i'm slogging this little butt of mine in the army, playing 'mother' to a bunch of guys who have no choice but to serve their country... At 23, i get a rank that most would associate to a guy in their late 20's..
Not that i'm complaining really.. this job has taught me many things, and moulded me into somebody i never thought i could be.. but as of many things, there is always a price to pay.. and this price for me, is the fact that i will never be able to live the life that everyone else went through...
I will never be able to tell anyone how poly life was.. just to name a point.. as little a deal as it moght be, it contributes to a whole bigger picture...

All these thoughts in my head seem to be permantly stuck there.. and its really affecting me in more ways than one..

realise how i must be sounding like a guy who has some permant disability..
well i'm halfway there i reckon..

Do we really see all around us??

The weekend was welcomed with open arms for me.. Afterwhat seems like an eternity of a week at work, it was much welcomed for me to relax.. however, on friday, i guess the toll of work got the better of me..

I'm so sorry babes for throwing a kiddy fit that night.. Guess frustrations at work have been building up to cause me to blow up a minor fit that night.. Hope u guys will forgive me.. :)

We often underestimate the importance of friendship.. So often we have frens we have known for donkey years but never seem to get around knowing them better... And so often when they are gone, only den do we realise what a fren he/she could have been.. Too late to make amends..

Angelo, i never really knew you well.. Despite having known you for yrs, we were always more of associates.. Frens who knew each other via other frens.. Now that its too late, all i can only say is that you will be dearly missed by all.. Your presence in the group will always be missed no matter what.. And we know you are in a better place now with the Lord..



Frome left: Angelo, Carole and Rene

Angelo
(1985 - 2006)

Problem after Problem, Time after Time..

As the heading suggests...

Work tops it all off.. Having negative emotions towards your work is a really dangerous thing.. Being a person who firmly believes in "passion for the job", it certainly doesn't help that work has been worst than a bitch of late.. Dun get me wrong, in certain ways, i love my job.. No where else gives you free lunches, a place to sleep and confirmed bonuses... But the catch to it really is beginning to feel as though it ain't worth the money..

To make things worse, some of the closest people i am to at work are leaving, just as i plan to do in a few years time.. However, the thought of them leaving unleashes this little tingy of jealousy within me.. When would it be my turn?? Can i honestly last till the end of my contract, the way things are going now?? I'm really kinda caught in between to begin with.. My bosses are ok, not too demanding and certainly rather understanding toward my cause.. But i guess its the duration of the time i've been on this job that is really starting to take its toll on me.. I've always been a roamer, a person who can never sit down for too long.. And certainly this part of my personality is telling me that i can't stay on this job forever.. I can't picture myself doing that too.. Guess in certain ways, just have to grit my teeth and finish off what i started..

As though that wasn't enough, to add to all that, time hasn't really been a good friend of mine.. Been finding myself not being able to spend enough time with my girlfriend, my family and my friends.. In fact, trying to squeeze out time for them can result in a whole reshuffle of schedules.. Ain't really gettin used to that...

To top it all off, i've finally realised that i've been suffering from insomnia for quite a while now.. it started with late nights working so it wasn't that bad.. Nowadys, in fact for the last year or so, i find myself having difficuly sleeping at night, be it whether i have something important on the next day.. Tossing and turning all night long makes it all the more worst.. Thoughts enter my head vividly and leave as soon as they arrive.. As a result, everything suffers from a chain effect from that.. Have really tried to force myself to re-adapt back but seem to be failing more often than not.. Worse than trying to quit smoking man..

Got to get my thoughts back in check and especially my life.. It just seems to be going downhill.. But then again, having lived this ridiculously colourful life of mine, have really taught myself that suffering never lasts forever.. Its only a matter of when..

Maybe i SHOULD see a doctor instead, other than the dentist that i finally decided to go..