my office mateys celebrated my birthday for me in the office.... why do i look so small?Hmmm... 

BLURRY

Been feeling a bit screwy these few days.... lots have happened and boy is it overwhelming... kinda starting to believe that this thing called love in this world is absolutely rubbish....

Anyways, was listening to some old songs recently and came across this song.....

"Blurry"

Everything's so blurry
and everyone's so fake
and everybody's empty
and everything is so messed up
pre-occupied without you
I cannot live at all
My whole world surrounds you
I stumble then I crawl

You could be my someone
you could be my scene
you know that i'll protect you
from all of the obscene
I wonder what you're doing
imagine where you are
there's oceans in between us
but that's not very far

Can you take it all away
can you take it all away
well ya shoved it in my face
this pain you gave to me
Can you take it all away
can you take it all away
well ya shoved it my face

Everyone is changing
there's noone left that's real
to make up your own ending
and let me know just how you feel
cause I am lost without you
I cannot live at all
my whole world surrounds you
I stumble then I crawl

You could be my someone
you could be my scene
you know that i will save you
from all of the unclean
I wonder what you're doing
I wonder where you are
There's oceans in between us
but that's not very far

[Chorus]

Nobody told me what you thought
nobody told me what to say
everyone showed you where to turn
told you when to runaway
nobody told you where to hide
nobody told you what to say
everyone showed you where to turn
showed you when to runaway

[Chorus]

This pain you gave to me

You take it all
You take it all away...
This pain you gave to me
You take it all away
This pain you gave to me
Take it all away
This pain you gave to me

Ironically, i was listening to this song as well when i was stabbed in the heart...
Ah, the irony of it all....

oh my gawwwd. melly.! what have i told you about updating your blog.!
haiyo. never learrrn.

hello! oh. mel. help me.my blog. is craaaap. asked my friend to help me. and she screwed it up! its emily the strange. and its blackkk. it soooo doesnt go. its not me. ahhh. couldnt she have just put the white onee??? ahh.. i cant change it.. she comes to my blog.. then she'll wonder [if i change it] why i changed it. then she'll think its because i dont like it.[ wll thats true.] but after that she'll be hurttttt. howwwww? oh dammit. its sooo ugly.
help me pass a msg to her? say..i think it'll be nice with the whiiite background. with the whiiite emily. with a blaccck font. yes.! tell her that. dont say i said it. say you think. nonono.! go to my blog and tagg. my goodness pat. what happend to your blog.??? ewww. okayyy? haha. i cant even blog all this in my owwwn blog. she'll read it!!

thanks for telling me your id and pw. heeheee.pluss thanks for letting me invade! again!

Today

Just got back from work and have to report back to work tomorrow morning at 8 again... talk about a monotonous life man...



Trying to look wiser....Emphasis on the word 'trying'... 


Anywayz, gave the best piece of advice today. " Life is too short to be fearful of living each day." I really have no idea what came over me when i said that... Maybe it was cuz i was half asleep on the bus.. and the best part is, it didn't strike me until julia thanked me for that..

Come to think of it, it is to a certain extent, very true.. Honestly, although i'm only 22, i know i know, not that old... but still, i feel as though i have lived a life and am gettin slowly sick of it.. There are times whereby i get up in the morning, not wanting to face the day ahead, due to many unexplainable reasons...And i'm sure there are many more people out there feeling exactly the same way i do... The funny thing is, if at the age of 22 i feel this, den how would i feel when i reach, say 42? would i still get up, feeling all sucky and fucked up? Afraid to face the day ahead? Kinda makes u wonder huh?

So, my conclusion is well, live life in the direction u think you can find your happiness. There will be obstacles along the way, but then again, nobody ever said the road was gonna be easy...Once you manage to overcome them, it will only make u stronger and wiser... Listen to all the advices and criticism that come your way, but most importantly, listen to yourself.. aLways ask yorself, "Is this what i REALLY want?" Cuz nobody can lead you to YOUR happiness besides you yourself....

Do what you feel is right...yes, feel...not think.. there is a distinct difference between the brain and the heart... one is a pure feeling, the other is pure logic... but ironically, both are correct in their own ways... A Warrant Officer in the army once told me 3 simple words that make a lot of sense although its very common... "JUST DO IT" Live life with no regrets on knowing you've done everything you ever wanted to do... If u always wanted to do something but felt very embarassed to do so, i urge u to do it.. Cuz u will never know how it will change your life in one way or another...

By saying that, i would just like to challenge you to a task whereby most of us would find very hard to do... For a change, go up to your mumsy or dadsy and tell them you love them.. Ironically, as much as we know we do love them, its the hardest thing to say (Other than sorry of course).. U up for the challenge?

Arab Street

Amanda, Roch, Julia & Joanne 

Went down to Arab street with Amanda, Joanne & Roch. Went over to this shop "Made in Japan", that sells second hand stuff at really cheap prices.. In the end, bought 3 shirst for like $10... Good & cheap... hehe... ended up smoking xisha!!!! :P

Need more days like this man...


Wats Roch doin? 

......

just came back from work... on duty again last night... bored as uaual like hell in camp...plus the fact that it was raining cats & dogs didn't help...

trying like hell to stay awake now... cuz have to go church later... dun wanna end up going late again... always end up doing that of late....Hmmmm

Blog later larhz.... cannot tahna already..think i'm gonna say hi to my bed for a while...

Later..

Charmain bought this for me birthday.... NICE!!!!  

Busy like hell!!!!

been too busy and tired these few days to blog...

Charmain was real sweet... she bought me a present as well as made a lovely card for my birthday.. so touched man... Thanks chump!!!

Went swimming with Julia over the weekend... prior to that, dun think i've been in the water for nearly a yr... Man its been a long time...Hmmm... should make this a habit... at least its better than jogging...hehe!! After that, it was dinner at Swensens!!! Mmmm.... that was nice....

Die lah!!! and seriously going broke... got to figure out some way to cut down on my expenses... for those of ya who know me well enough, you know i spend more than i earn!!!! hehe... THAT HAS GOT TO STOP!!!!

List of things that have to be done:
1. Pay $500 to Informatics Computer School to take my FINAL module.
2. Plan for another trip abroad hopefully @ end of the month or next.
3. Go renew my PDL
4. Go apply at BBDC/SSDC for my advanced theory as well as practical lessons.

These 4 things alone already giving me a big headache... not to mention the amount of bills every month....

ARRGGHHH!!!!!

Birthday Card from Charmain... So Sweeeet!!!! 

hellos.. im just bored lahh. anyways. now mel is in gv yishun. watching hmm.. i forgot what show. yes. he didnt tell me to blog for him. im just bored. sorry mellys. and thankies yeah? [[[[[[[[[[: smiles. waiit. too many smiles alr.. more smiles in the night yeah? kays. ooo.ya. the movie is resident evilll.. the second one.. yupps. anyways. good nights people. bye!

Amanda & Andi 

Dongli & Jane 

My make-shift cake...hehe... Lurve it!!! 

At Canadian 2 for 1 pizza...  

hours to go.....

here i am, sitting at home, blasting music.... Took half the day and tomorrow off....great weather.... nice and sleepy...

I'm less than 12 hours away from turning 22... still feels the same to me... Come to think of it, i wonder how it'll be in 22 yrs time?

I wouldn't say i've lived these past 22 years of my life to the fullest, but then again, i would not trade the joys and experiences i've gained for anything in the world...

I remember the first time i had a crush on this girl... that was like when i was 14 i think...kay it was a bit late i know, but i was from an all boy school... so contact with girls was like sacred..hehe...anyways, she was from church... nothing ever did work out, cuz i never had the balls to actually go talk to her... hehe... now as i look back, i wonder, if i did go talk to her, would it have made a diff?

Maybe...

i've never been as outspoken and noisy as i am now... when i was 14, i was kinda like the real quiet guy... small & silent.... it was throughout the years in church and especially in the choir that i grew out of my shell and learned that if i dun speak, basically nothing ever will happen...so here i am...hehe... still small, but noisy as hell... hehe :P

Now i shudder at the thought of turning a year older... the uncertainties...the thoughts of maybe this might be my last day on earth... the things that i've not done... well, maybe i should not think like that... Hmmm....

Basically, i've devised a list of things that i hope will change until my next birthday next year... hopefully, some of it will happen....

- Get my Dip (FINALLY!)
- Get my liciense( Soon as i stop being lazy....)
- Quit smoking (Gotta do it, my niece is coming out at the end of the year... Dun wanna be a bad example..)
- Be more patient
- Treasure everybody and everything

Shall not be greedy and wish for too many things... guess this will do for now... Dman it!!! looks like a lot of work needs to be done..... Haiz....

Right now, actually the only thing that i wish for is the same thing i've always been wishing for(cept for maybe the last 2 years)... that is to spend it with the person i love... just the 2 of us... at the beach... on a break-water... staring at the stars and dreaming away...

Sounds so drama right? well, its just kinda nice to start dreaming once in a while... shall not venture into the unhappy... over that stage already...

Well, however it is i celebrate this birthday, i guess i should be thankful... that people still remember... that i can celebrate... for all the things that happened that gave me a reason to live, to find the reasons...Man, this is getting depressing...

STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i am happy i am happy i am happy i am happy i am happy i am happy i am happy i am happy i am happy i am happy i am happy i am happy i am happy i am happy i am happy i am happy i am happy i am happy i am happy i am happy i am happy i am happy i am happy i am happy i am happy i am happy i am happy i am happy i am happy i am happy i am happy i am happy i am happy i am happy i am happy i am happy i am happy i am happy

I'm MAD!!! :P

Mid Life Crisis

They call it the "Quarter-life Crisis." It is when you
stop going along with the crowd and start realizing
that there are many things about yourself that you
didn't know and may not like. You start feeling
insecure and wonder where you will be in a year
or two, but then get scared because you barely
know where you are now.

You start realizing that people are selfish and that,
maybe, those friends that you thought you were so
close to aren't exactly the greatest people you
have ever met, and the people you have lost touch
with are some of the most important ones. What
you don't recognize is that they are realizing that
too, and aren't really cold, catty, mean or
insincere, but that they are as confused as you.

You look at your job... and it is not even close to
what you thought you would be doing, or maybe
you are looking for a job and realizing that you are
going to have to start at the bottom and that
scares you.

Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what
others are doing and find yourself judging more
than usual because suddenly you realize that you
have certain boundaries in your life and are
constantly adding things to your list of what is
acceptable and what isn't. One minute, you are
insecure and then the next, secure. You laugh and
cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel
alone and scared and confused. Suddenly,
change is the enemy and you try and cling on to
the past with dear life, but soon realize that the
past is drifting further and further away, and there
is nothing to do but stay where you are or move
forward.

You get your heart broken and wonder how
someone you loved could do such damage to you.
Or you lie in bed and wonder why you can't meet
anyone decent enough that you want to get to
know better. Or maybe you love someone but love
someone else too and cannot figure out why you
are doing this because you know that you aren't a
bad person.

One night stands and random hook ups start to
look cheap.

Getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to
look pathetic.

You go through the same emotions and questions
over and over, and talk with your friends about the
same topics because you cannot seem to make a
decision.

You worry about loans, money, the future and
making a life for yourself... and while winning the
race would be great, right now you'd just like to be
a contender!

What you may not realize is that everyone reading
this relates to it. We are in our best of times and
our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to
figure this whole thing out.

Bloody 21 km...

Wah... Today had to wake up at 3 am in the morning just to go for the damn half marathon.... wah shack man.... hehe...

Met my aunt carole amongst the whole crowd of people... a bit shocked actually... like i had no choice and she so on.... hehe... anywayz, finished the damn run (or rather for me, it was more literally a stroll in the park) in around 3 hours... not bad... hehe... not conditioned to run la... no training what so ever so i personally know cannot tahan one...hehe....

Died in the afternoon......

TownHouse 2

Just got up from the WORST hangover in my 21 yr existense..... AWWWWW!!!!! My damn head hurts....

Went for the exam mass yesterday at chiurch... After that, went down to Town House 2, the place where debz is working, for its opening... FREE BOOZE!!!! its no wonder why everybody went.. Roch, chris,amanda, gab and joanne P went as well... we met ben and delvin there as well... Basically, we drank and danced till we were all gone... GONE!!!! by about 1, i was basicaly outside the place lying there like a dead corpse... chris and gab had to send me home... So paiseh man...hehe....

uh Oh...

i'm telling you.. today is insurance agent day... either that or the army uniform is a real insurance agent magnet.... hehe..

met up with one of my (many) insurance agents today...and whilst taking a smoke, another insurance agent came up to me... i mean, what do i have written on my face? I NEED INSURANCE? hehe... anyway, being the stupid, polite guy that i am, talked to him for a while and kindly obliged to everything he said... Man i hate myself...

Ran into edna whilst waiting for my insurance agent... well that was an awkward incident... Hmmm.. just kinda makes me wonder... Why? I mean, we're supposed to be frens right? maybe its me... i should open up my mouth more... NAH!! later i say something wrong den end up fighting again...

Anyways, can't wait for this weekend to be over... Damn army half marathon is on sunday... the thought of having to run the damn 21km makes my knees weak... And the thought of having to get up so damn early is even like worse....

MY DAMN LAVA LAMP IS SPOIL!!!! :( The stupid bulb ain't bright enough...or rather hot enough... so much so that it only heats up the damn wax till a certain level and it gets stuck there... DAMN IT!!! oh well, looks like have to get another bulb....

I think i'm not doing any better now den i was a few months back... in fact honestly if you ask me, i'm still at the same spot.... Maybe now, i've learnt to appreciate my frens more, though the same empty feeling still lingers around... Well, there is only so much i can do to curb it... I guess i just have to let it flow...

I'm gonna be 22 in exactly a week... honestly, i dun feel a thing about growing a year older... not excited... not happy...

Edna : "So how u gonna celebrate your birthday this year?"

Me : "Celebrate? for what? Nothing to celebrate what..."

Yes, this was what i said to her this afternoon...

Come to think of it, we would have been together for 2 yrs, had we not broken up... Another thing to add to the big list of IFs...

Weekend....

Had a pretty short weekend... Was on duty in camp on sat... missed the wedding as well as choir...

You know, i think im beginning to see the flaws of this 5 day work week system... usually on saturdays, i still have to go back to work for at least half a day... and if i'm on duty, at least there is something for me to do... As i found out last weekend, there is absolutely nothing for me to do on saturdays... Well, thats a new feeling.... and a real boring one, i might add.... Damn, talk about the time passing sloely....

Anyways, met pat & the rest of the kids on sunday after their class for lunch... this bunch of kids really making me feel like an overgrown teenager..Hey not that i'm complaining yet or anything... So cute to hear them 'ooooo' and 'aahhh' about everything... hehe..

Had to help melissa pack her bag as she was going for OBS and unable to squeeze everything into her bag... Being the 'Army' fella, basically i solved her problems by taking all the stuff out and repacking it over again...hehe... really feel that she needs a bigger bag though...

After tat, followed Pat to Woodlands to help her mum change cloths at some hop at Woodlands Civic Centre... not bad, the stuff they have there... pretty interesting indian stuff.. Anyways, just as we wanted to leave for Amanda's place, a 'storm' broke out... Ahhhh Crap!!! we waited at the libary a while before deciding that it was redundant.. So we decied to make a run for it... Hehe, ended up walking in the rain across, so much so that poor Pat had to change into one of the new skirts she had just exchanged for... That was damn hilarious man..

Anyways, ended up at Amanda's place... and she's right.. her room is messier than mine... I feel like such a loser man...And to think i take so much pride and joy in the mess that i create in my room...hehe... Guess its time to work harder... (Though i do know that Carole is going to kill me the moment she reads this...) Stayed there all the way before having to rush Pat home before her mother decided to slaughter her... hehe...

Roch dropped by later to watch soccer... Best part, my brother in law brought back some popiah stuff( Did i mention his family is in the Popiah business?) and my mum was like on a popiah fest... She made a total of 5 rolls for me and roch... We freaked basically... I mean, we haven't eaten popiah in a few months, but after this, i dun think we would want to eat popiah for the next few months.....hehe...

ok guess thtas all i'll blog for now.. waiting for roch and gab to come over to watch the man u and liverpool game... I tell u, man u is so going to LOSE!!!!!! Haha... Ciaoz!!